One common concern about self-compassion is the fear that it will make us lazy or overly self-indulgent, leading to a lack of motivation. Self-indulgence involves avoiding difficulties, which may feel good in the short term but is harmful in the long run. People often think that being kind to ourselves means we’ll avoid tough tasks, but that’s not the case.
Self-compassion is about providing yourself with support, understanding, and encouragement during tough times. It helps you face difficulties head-on. Self-compassion is rooted in the idea that true long-term happiness comes not from avoiding challenges but from supporting ourselves as we navigate through them. It gives us the courage to tackle what’s hard.
Imagine you had to give a presentation, and it didn’t go as planned. A typical self-critical reaction might be to think, “I’m such an idiot! I always mess up. I made a fool of myself. I was dumb to even try!” This kind of thinking would make you more anxious the next time you’re asked to present, possibly leading you to avoid such situations altogether. This avoidance is self-indulgence—it’s a way to protect yourself from the discomfort of facing challenges.
A self-compassionate response to the same situation might involve taking a deep breath, acknowledging your pain, and saying, “I know this hurts, but I’m here for you.” You might remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect and that learning to give presentations takes time. You could reflect on ways to better prepare for future presentations or ask a colleague for constructive feedback.
Without self-compassion, it’s hard to do these helpful things. Being harsh on yourself makes it painful to think about your failures, and you’d rather forget they ever happened. However, without self-compassion, it’s also tough to forget your mistakes, leading to recurring feelings of shame and humiliation.
Self-compassion provides the emotional resilience to recover from failure. It gives you the courage to try again and helps you face feelings of fear, frustration, and shame that come with challenges. Self-compassion isn’t about being indulgent—it’s quite the opposite. It helps you keep going despite difficulties.
In the end, it’s about being gentle with yourself and accepting that you don’t have to meet every expectation perfectly. It’s okay to make mistakes; life will still guide you where you need to go.