When we meditate, we can encounter different kinds of distracting thoughts. Some thoughts are very obvious and forceful, making us forget that we’re meditating and instead drawing us into our internal dramas. We often find ourselves drifting in and out of these distractions, returning to our practice whenever we regain mindful awareness.
Then there are the lighter, background thoughts that continue to chatter even as we stay focused on our meditation. For instance, while we’re paying attention to our breathing, random thoughts might pop into our heads. These thoughts could either be related to our experience or completely unrelated. However, they’re usually not intense enough to pull us away from our practice.
I mainly want to touch on this second type of thinking and how we can manage it. Imagine listening to a toddler talking to themselves while playing. This inner chatter can be seen in the same light—charming, amusing, and endearing, rather than something to get upset about.
Our relationship with these thoughts is often more problematic than the thoughts themselves. When we start resisting them, wishing they would go away, this resistance creates a painful state of mind. It can lead to even more distraction because thoughts like “I wish this would stop” throw us off balance and make us more distracted. By simply allowing these babbling thoughts to exist, we avoid this issue. This approach fosters kindness and acceptance within us.
Adopting a tolerant and playful attitude toward these random thoughts, similar to how we might respond to a child’s playful noises, enables us to continue with our meditation. The thoughts persist, but they no longer bother us. Instead, we might even find them amusing and endearing. This perspective is far more enjoyable and helpful than trying to resist the thoughts.
When our minds are constrained, thoughts seem much larger and harder to ignore, similar to being stuck on a long car ride with a child demanding constant attention. To quiet this inner child, we need to provide it plenty of space to play. Once it has this space, it often settles down on its own, allowing us to enjoy its gentle babbling while we focus on our own activities. Over time, the child may even take a nap, and we can experience the calm of a quiet, spacious mind.
It’s easy to relate to this. Sometimes, when meditating, it doesn’t feel like my mind is completely quiet but more like it’s at peace. I observe my thoughts without them negatively impacting my relaxed state. It’s far from the ideal of pure, thought-free concentration, but it feels nice.
Allowing these babbling thoughts to be present can prevent us from getting caught in a cycle of self-criticism. Often, I find myself criticizing my thoughts, reminding myself to allow them, and then criticizing again for not being able to do so. It’s a never-ending cycle, and I wonder how others manage it.
I spend a lot of time arguing with myself while trying to pay attention to my breath, possibly due to a general tendency towards obsessiveness. Although not diagnosed with OCD, I constantly ruminate and berate myself, which is why I took up meditation in the first place. However, it hasn’t provided refuge from my thoughts. I’ve read about people learning to see thoughts as just thoughts and developing an observer’s perspective, but this hasn’t happened for me yet. When I think, I know it’s me thinking, without a sense of observing those thoughts.
Achieving this takes time and good meditation instruction can be very helpful. Here’s a technique you can try: close your eyes, relax, and ask yourself, “I wonder what my next thought is going to be?” Then, just watch and see if you can notice the thought as it arises.