While Buddhism teaches that everyone has the potential for awakening and encourages us to treat others with kindness and compassion, I find this especially challenging on social media.
We are living in tough times. Society is becoming more divided, and there’s an unsettling rise in racism and authoritarianism. These issues get to me when I see them online.
I want to share a few tips that have helped me when dealing with people I disagree with online. Nothing groundbreaking here, and I’m no expert. This is all a work in progress.
Every interaction is a chance to improve our communication, handle conflicts better, and practice empathy. It’s important not to see every discussion as an opportunity to show off: “Look how good I am at arguing.” I’ve fallen into this trap before, and it never works out well. It’s not about being right; it’s about learning to connect more compassionately.
When we face viewpoints we disagree with, unpleasant feelings flare up just like when our ancestors were physically threatened. We often react to insults and disagreements as if they are personal threats.
I try to notice when I’m emotionally provoked and take a step back. I acknowledge the discomfort I’m feeling. When I observe my suffering, I can pause mindfully and consider the best way to respond.
We rarely need to reply immediately. We can wait. The angry parts of our brain react quickly, while the wise, compassionate parts take longer. Give yourself time to respond thoughtfully.
Sometimes, you might decide not to respond at all. Some people are trolls looking to provoke. Ignoring them might be the best option.
You don’t always need the last word. Walking away from an argument can be tough, but even if it’s agonizing at first, the feeling will pass. I’ve found it’s better to let someone else have the last word in a futile argument.
I’m not saying we should avoid conflicts just to experience our feelings. Sometimes, we need to recognize when a productive discussion isn’t going to happen.
We should never ignore actual physical threats. Earlier today, I reported someone to both their web host and the FBI for advocating violence against political opponents. Some threats must be taken seriously.
Always stand up for others. Don’t ignore racism, misogyny, or threats of violence. Bullies need to be confronted.
I find the golden rule helpful in online communication: The person you’re talking to is a human being with feelings, just like you. Ask yourself: Am I trying to convince this person, or am I trying to hurt them by proving they are wrong? It’s hard to do both.
It’s tempting to insult someone to change their mind, but how often has being insulted changed your mind? Insults usually create more suffering. I try to catch any subtle digs before posting because the other person probably won’t see them as subtle.
When I notice someone being offensively rude online, such as being racist or making fun of someone’s appearance, I often just say, “You can be better than this.” I don’t criticize them directly or tell them how to behave. I remind them that they have the potential to act differently. So far, no one has responded angrily to this line,