Spiritual friendship is highly valued in Buddhist practice, but what makes spiritual friends so important? What are their key qualities, and do we need to leave our current friends behind to find them? Guest blogger Justin Whitaker delves into these questions.
Friendship can be both challenging and rewarding in our lives. In Buddhism, it’s immensely significant, perhaps more than one might think. One famous Buddhist teaching on friendship involves the Buddha’s cousin, Ananda, who once remarked that half of the holy life involves admirable friendships. The Buddha corrected him, stating that such friendships actually constitute the whole of the holy life because they help one pursue the noble eightfold path.
An ideal friend in Buddhism displays seven key qualities: they give what is hard to give, do what is hard to do, endure what is hard to endure, share and keep secrets, support you during misfortune, and never look down on you when you’re struggling.
Contrary to the stereotype of the solitary Buddhist monk, various teachings emphasize the importance of having admirable friends. There are two essential aspects to consider: finding and nurturing such friendships and supporting each other on the spiritual path.
First, it’s important to know that you don’t need to abandon your current friends to find spiritual ones. Existing friendships, even with non-Buddhists, can provide grounds for admirable friendships. A true friend has the seven qualities mentioned earlier, regardless of their religious knowledge or meditation expertise. The Buddha emphasized that the essence of friendship is straightforward and foundational.
Sometimes, we feel a unique connection with certain people and consider them spiritual friends. However, it’s a misconception to label people this way. True friendships are based on simple qualities like kindness, discretion, fortitude, and generosity. Lessons in Buddhist texts suggest that teachings can come from the most ordinary beings and situations. Similarly, admirable friendships can emerge from unexpected places.
Finding admirable qualities in others enhances our practice by promoting presence and awareness. Good friends celebrate your achievements without jealousy and might even offer wisdom, helping you maintain calm and connection without clinging or worry.
Friendship is deeply interconnected with our spiritual practice. It aligns with the principles of Virtue Ethics, focusing on personal development and the cultivation of positive qualities. However, the interconnected nature of relationships means that our friendships significantly influence our spiritual journey. Unhealthy relationships can hinder our practice, while supportive friendships can enhance it.
Let friendship be integral to your spiritual practice. Reflect on how your relationships influence your awareness and actions. As you become more aware of admirable friendships, they will naturally grow and deepen, while less supportive ones may fade away or improve. The process is dynamic, involving continuous interaction between meditation and daily life.
In summary, spiritual friendship should be recognized as a vital part of practice, fostering mutual growth and support.