Everyone makes mistakes—me, you, our neighbors, even historical figures like Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, King David, and the Buddha. It’s essential to acknowledge our errors, feel the right amount of remorse, and learn from them so we don’t repeat them. However, most people tend to be overly self-critical, beating themselves up long after it stops being helpful.
Our minds are full of different sub-personalities. For instance, one part of me might set the alarm for 6 am to exercise, but when it goes off, another part might grumble about why the alarm was set. Generally, we all have an inner critic and an inner protector. Most of the time, the inner critic is constantly finding faults, blowing small mistakes out of proportion, and not giving you credit for your efforts to improve.
This is why your inner protector is essential. It helps to put your weaknesses and mistakes in perspective, highlights your good qualities, encourages you to stay on the right path even after setbacks, and tells that inner critic to pipe down. With your inner protector’s support, you can clearly see your faults without feeling terrible, fix your mistakes as best as you can, and move forward. Guilt, shame, or remorse should only serve as a learning experience, not as a form of punishment. Anything beyond learning just causes unnecessary suffering and can undermine your energy, mood, confidence, and self-worth, preventing you from contributing positively to others.
Forgiving yourself involves seeing your faults clearly, taking responsibility with appropriate remorse, making amends, and finding peace. Pick a small issue you’re hard on yourself about and try one or more of the methods I’ll outline. You can get the gist of these steps in just a few minutes.
Here we go: Start by addressing smaller issues and gradually move on to more significant ones.
May you find peace and self-compassion as you practice self-forgiveness.