The central teaching of Buddhism is that everything changes. Although this may sound like a common observation, the Buddha didn’t just acknowledge impermanence; he deeply explored its implications.
He discovered that our resistance to change is the cause of our suffering. He described this resistance as clinging—an effort to maintain stability in the ever-changing flow of time. This clinging can show up as expectations—we want things to happen in a specific way, and we suffer when they don’t. This can lead to significant suffering, like unrequited love or depression when life doesn’t meet our expectations. It can also manifest in smaller ways, like frustration when traffic or a checkout line moves too slowly.
One aspect of impermanence is that everything is changing in dependence on other changing things. For instance, traffic flow depends on weather, road conditions, the number of people on the road, and the mental states of drivers. Life is complex and largely beyond our control.
To increase our happiness, it helps to recognize and let go of our expectations. For example, I used to get frustrated when my young children took longer than I expected to get ready. This often led to me getting annoyed and sometimes yelling. Now, I try to recognize my unrealistic expectation, take a deep breath, and accept that I can’t control everything. This approach helps me stay calmer.
We can also let go of expectations about not aging or getting sick, the weather always cooperating, or our possessions lasting forever. While change might seem like a problem, it’s also a blessing. We are capable of change. We can unlearn habits that cause suffering and learn new ways of being, becoming wiser, kinder, and more patient. Nothing about us is so fixed that it can’t change.
The Buddha’s teachings highlight how our minds can progressively change, leading to greater happiness and freedom. He outlined several stages of mental development that lead to the ultimate freedom from suffering, known as Awakening or nirvana.
When we resist change, it feels like a curse. When we accept it, it’s just a fact. When we embrace it, it’s a blessing.