This was the first email in a course called “The Conscious Couple” by Wildmind.
Our intimate relationships are crucial for personal growth. They offer us endless chances to practice kindness, love, and compassion every day. These relationships teach us to forgive and ask for forgiveness, to be honest, and to communicate more effectively. They help us learn about giving and receiving and understanding ourselves and our partner better.
Intimate relationships push our emotional boundaries, exposing our insecurities and shortcomings, which can be uncomfortable. However, this discomfort is beneficial for our spiritual growth, as it brings to light areas in need of change.
Our close relationships can also inspire us. The desire to live harmoniously with someone, to deeply understand them, and to let ourselves be known, can motivate us to improve as partners, lovers, and people.
Many know that the Buddha described intimate relationships and the desire for them as major distractions in spiritual life. However, fewer are aware that he also praised lay practitioners for their spiritual depth. Buddha spoke highly of married couples who lived harmoniously, suggesting that family life isn’t an obstacle to spiritual progress. In fact, many householders achieved various levels of awakening, showing that spiritual growth is possible in family life.
There is no contradiction in Buddha’s views on relationships. The spiritual community had a monastic wing that practiced simplicity and avoided romantic entanglements to focus on meditation, study, and teaching. However, there was also a householder wing whose members lived everyday lives with jobs and families, yet still practiced deeply.
This 28-day online course aims to explore how our romantic relationships can help us deepen our spiritual practice and how that practice can enhance the intimacy with our partners. We chose the Buddha’s Eightfold Path to structure the course since it’s a vital framework for integrating practice into daily life. Each section of the course highlights a part of the Eightfold Path.
The next email will start with the cultivation of Right View, examining the ideas and assumptions we hold about our relationships. Right View involves aligning our beliefs with the Dharma, not through blind conformity, but by recognizing and rectifying views that hinder love, intimacy, and honesty. Often, we aren’t aware of these harmful views, or we fail to see their negative impacts. Bringing these views to consciousness helps prevent suffering and fosters a deeper connection with our partner. We need perspectives that support us in becoming a conscious, thriving couple.
Homework: For the next 24 hours, observe your interactions with your partner or in other relationships without trying to change anything. Notice moments of kindness and love, and when these qualities are absent. Try to make these observations without judgment or self-criticism. Feel free to take notes and discuss your observations in the online community accompanying this course.
Guided meditation: This brief guided mindfulness meditation can be done alone or with a partner.