These days, there’s a mistaken belief that mindfulness is the only quality we need to develop in meditation and that everything else will follow automatically. However, this isn’t how meditation practice works, nor is it traditionally taught.
Recently, I spoke with someone who was very proud that his sole meditation practice was mindfulness of breathing. He believed this was a complete and sufficient practice. The issue was that his personality seemed unbalanced; he came across as emotionally dry and austere. In our conversation, he lacked emotional engagement, and his responses to my personal troubles missed the mark entirely. It felt like we were speaking two different languages. Despite wanting to be empathetic, he couldn’t seem to do so.
What he was missing was kindness and compassion. There are many meditation practices that focus on kindness, compassion, appreciation, and reverence, which are all essential and not optional extras in Buddhism’s teachings.
Some people are naturally more emotional and warm, with well-developed connections of love and affection. Even if there is an imbalance in their practice, it doesn’t cause significant issues, and they might not notice the lack. But this means they are not tapping into their full potential.
Mindfulness meditation can be taught with an emphasis on warmth and kindness, a practice I call “kindfulness.” This approach can bring more kindness into our experience. However, even then, there remains an imbalance. We are still not fully developing our potential as compassionate human beings.
While mindfulness is wonderful in allowing us to see how the mind functions, such as when anger arises, it also offers a chance to change these patterns. Observing that anger makes life unpleasant can help us choose to let go of angry thoughts. Mindfulness can also reveal our reserves of kindness and compassion that we can access.
Traditionally, kindness and compassion aren’t just qualities we can access; they are faculties we can cultivate, strengthen, and deepen. Modern understanding shows that specific parts of the brain are involved in compassion, separate from those used in mindfulness. These parts grow when exercised, much like muscles do, so they’re not developed simply through mindfulness practice.
This is why specific meditation practices are necessary to develop kindness and compassion. These practices engage different mental “muscles.”
Imagine only working out your arms at the gym and never doing leg exercises. Your legs might get a bit of a workout just from standing, but they’d be underdeveloped compared to your arms. This is what can happen with our emotions if we don’t practice both mindfulness and compassion.
In my teaching tradition, both mindfulness of breathing and lovingkindness practices were equally emphasized. I was encouraged to alternate these practices, giving them equal importance. As someone not naturally very emotional with a tendency toward negativity, I was even encouraged to focus more on lovingkindness to restore balance.
This is how I continue to teach. I introduce both mindfulness and lovingkindness practices to new meditation students and encourage them to alternate between these methods. Giving equal attention to both allows us to become not only mindful and aware individuals but also empathetic and compassionate ones.