Embrace Your Pain (The Social Media Sutra, Chapter 4)

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Embrace Your Pain (The Social Media Sutra, Chapter 4)

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Embrace Your Pain (The Social Media Sutra, Chapter 4)

In this series of posts, I’m discussing how we can overcome our social media addiction using teachings from early Buddhist scriptures. These teachings are from the Vitakkasanthana Sutta, which lays out five strategies to combat compelling urges. I’ve dubbed this discourse “the Social Media Sutra.”

In this context, “thinking” refers not just to our inner verbalization or self-talk, but also to the emotional urges that accompany them, such as the compulsion to use social media or surf the internet.

The first tool involves shifting our attention to something beneficial in our experience. The second tool looks at recognizing the downsides of our harmful activities. The third tool is about learning to reduce temptation.

Now, let’s explore the fourth tool from the Vitakkasanthana Sutta and see how it can help us manage social media addiction. This tool is called “stopping the formation of thoughts.” It sounds appealing as it suggests we could find a way to turn off our incessant thinking, or at least dial it down.

The Sutta advises that if other methods haven’t quieted our unskillful thoughts and urges, and harmful thoughts linked to desire, hate, and delusion persist, we should then focus on stopping the formation of thoughts. When we do this, those negative thoughts are relinquished and cease, allowing our minds to settle and unify, leading to mindful absorption.

To illustrate this, imagine a person walking quickly who questions why they are in such a hurry and decides to slow down. Then, wondering why they are walking slowly, they decide to stand still. They might then decide to sit down and eventually lie down, progressively adopting more restful postures. This analogy highlights that by becoming aware of what’s driving us, we can let go of it, slow down, and eventually come to rest.

Similarly, when our minds generate thoughts and urges leading us to compulsive online activity, there’s an underlying mechanism at play. By understanding what prompts these actions, we can allow our minds to rest.

If we find ourselves aimlessly surfing the web, we might notice a sense of anxiety driving us. This could manifest as a tight feeling in the gut. Our brain, sensing boredom or missing out as a threat to our well-being, creates this unpleasant sensation to alert us. Reacting to this discomfort, we then have impulses to keep moving from one web page or social media post to another, often accompanied by inner speech like, “Just one more article.”

Feelings play a crucial role in Buddhist practice. The Buddha emphasized that everything converges on feeling, due to the significant role feelings play in our experience. In our example, the unpleasant feeling is what drives us. By becoming mindful of these feelings, recognizing that we don’t have to react to them, and observing them with compassion, we create a gap that allows for more thoughtful responses instead of reactive ones.

When it comes to internet addiction, there’s always an underlying unpleasant feeling. This feeling can vary from boredom to anxiety. By training ourselves to turn toward this discomfort with kindness and compassion, we can shift from reactivity to mindful, wise responses.

Often, when I’m stuck on my computer obsessing over online content, I use this mindful approach. I recognize my suffering and turn my attention to the unpleasant feelings present, usually in the gut. When I’m not mindful, I interpret those feelings as signals of something wrong that needs fixing, prompting me to go online for relief. These reactions are automatic and not thought out.

Mindfulness allows me to see the unpleasant sensation as just that – a sensation produced by the brain, not necessarily something to act on. By observing this with compassion, I can offer kindness to the part of myself that’s suffering. Sometimes, this involves physically touching the area where the sensation is strongest and saying, “May you be well. May you be happy. May you be at peace.”

In dealing with social media addiction, it’s driven by a desire to escape emotional pain. To free ourselves from this addiction, we must turn our attention to our pain and approach it with mindfulness and compassion. Cravings create a connection between us and the desired object – an emotional cord. By turning mindfully toward the underlying painful feelings, this cord is effectively cut.

When I practice this – being mindful of my painful feelings – my emotional connection to the internet and social media weakens or breaks. I can then put down my phone or close my laptop and engage in more wholesome activities.

This fourth tool involves focusing on stopping the formation of unskillful urges. By recognizing what feelings are driving our thoughts and urges, we can respond in healthier ways, freeing ourselves from the compulsion to engage with social media.