Lately, I’ve been experiencing some ups and downs. Most of the time, I’m okay, but then out of nowhere, I get hit with these heavy, blue feelings. The main reason for this is probably my ongoing money struggles. It’s stressful having to figure out how much minimal gas I can buy or trying to balance a tight grocery budget with eating healthy.
I’m not here to complain, though. I’m grateful that I have a car and enough food. I often remind myself of the good things I have, and for the most part, I’m optimistic, which helps me get through the tough times. However, it can be exhausting in the long run.
When I start to feel overwhelmed, I try to practice what I preach, especially mindful acceptance. Some years ago, my friend Padraig O’Morain shared a helpful phrase: “My happiness does not depend on this.” He uses it, for example, when stuck in traffic to remind himself that his happiness isn’t tied to that situation. It’s a brilliant reminder because we often mistakenly believe that our happiness hinges on avoiding inconveniences like traffic jams.
This principle applies to our feelings too. When I feel down, I remind myself, “My happiness does not depend on how I feel.” It might seem strange at first because we usually think happiness is all about feeling good. But assuming that happiness is just a feeling is as mistaken as thinking you can’t be happy in a traffic jam.
Our experiences are multi-layered; we have feelings and then our responses to those feelings. Often, we resist unpleasant feelings, which only makes them stronger because resistance is a reflexive action we may not even notice. Acceptance, on the other hand, is a less common, practiced response. Many people don’t know how to accept painful feelings and it does take practice to get better at it.
One way to practice acceptance is by observing a feeling rather than identifying with it. Notice where it is, name it, and observe how it changes. Remind yourself, “This is not me. This is not mine. This is not who I am.” By accepting an initial unpleasant feeling, the secondary unpleasant feelings often fade away, leaving just the original discomfort, which is generally more manageable. The goal isn’t to eliminate the unpleasant feeling but to accept it without adding resistance.
This approach can lead to happiness that isn’t about pleasant feelings but rather a deeper sense of calm and peace that can coexist with discomfort. The phrase, “My happiness does not depend on how I feel,” has been useful to me in finding peace even when I feel crappy.
Lastly, acceptance doesn’t mean we shouldn’t change challenging situations in our lives. I’m working on improving my financial situation to reduce stress, but in the interim, I strive to maintain a sense of peace.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your support and perspective mean a lot to me.