There are many ways people react to life’s challenges, disappointments, and frustrations.
We might get anxious and start imagining the worst possible scenarios, making our hearts race. Sometimes, we lose our tempers, yell, storm off, or stew in resentment. Other times, we look for someone to blame, even if they’re only tangentially related to the problem. We might try to avoid difficult feelings altogether by drinking, binge-watching shows, burying ourselves in work, or comfort eating.
Avoidance can also mean steering clear of people we have issues with, ignoring potentially bad news in the mail, or putting off calling the doctor out of fear of hearing something bad. Some of us might shut down and sink into depression, blaming ourselves and believing we’re worthless and unloved. Others might go numb and disconnect from their feelings entirely.
All these responses have two things in common: they often create more problems than they solve, and they’re unnecessary. While changing these habits can be hard or scary, it’s definitely possible.
We all have the ability to become more aware of how our minds work and how they can cause us suffering. We can let go of the thoughts and actions that make us freak out and instead face difficult feelings directly. We have the potential to meet challenges with a calm and creative mind, responding wisely and in a balanced manner.
No one is inherently broken or incapable of finding balance and reducing suffering. We’ve simply developed and reinforced habits that multiply our problems, often influenced by our upbringing, friends, or culture. But we can learn new habits.
Understanding this becomes easier when we realize that habits are tied to brain circuits, which are constantly changing. Continuing to practice old habits reinforces those neural pathways, but learning new habits—like keeping things in perspective, regulating emotions, and maintaining positivity—strengthens new, healthy pathways in the brain.
With every thought, word, and action, we’re literally rewiring our brains. This process can dramatically transform us into happier individuals. All it takes is the first step: accepting that we have the power to create who we are.