It was late in the evening when my son mentioned he’d left his backpack in the car. Usually, it’s not a big deal, but he needed some things from it for camp the next day. The car was parked a few minutes away, which added to my frustration since I was tired and in the middle of getting both kids ready for bed. I knew I’d have to wait until they were asleep before I could go fetch the backpack.
Once the kids were finally in bed, I dragged myself downstairs to retrieve it. Feeling grouchy and a bit resentful, I caught myself dwelling on the annoyance of having to do something unexpected because my son didn’t remember his backpack. It wasn’t a pleasant way to feel.
Luckily, a more mindful part of me kicked in. This part suggested, “You’re making yourself suffer unnecessarily. Let go of the story you’re telling yourself and focus on what’s actually happening.” Realizing that my own thoughts were making me miserable was a key moment. Often, we don’t notice that we are the ones causing our unhappiness by how we react to situations. Understanding this gives us the freedom to change our reactions.
One important change we can make is to let go of our mental stories. These stories about how things should be often make us unhappy. For example, I was telling myself a story about how my son should have remembered his backpack, how I should have checked, and how going to the car was an unpleasant task. These thoughts were dragging me down. Shifting my focus to my immediate sensory experience helped me break free from those negative thoughts.
When I redirected my attention, I noticed my body’s movements, the rhythm of my breathing, the cool night air, the smell of the nearby river, and the sounds of traffic. I also acknowledged the unpleasant feeling of resentment in my chest. Instead of trying to push it away, I simply accepted that it was there. Accepting unpleasant feelings without trying to fix or escape them actually reduces our suffering.
Once I stopped feeding into the negative thoughts, the feeling of resentment slowly dissipated. Even if the unpleasant feeling remained strong, each moment became bearable when I stopped dwelling on it. By letting go of the obsessive thoughts and observing my feelings, I felt more at peace.
In doing so, I also began to notice the pleasant aspects of the moment — the cool night air, the soothing darkness, and the unexpected bit of exercise. I realized that, fundamentally, everything was okay. I was alive, breathing, and in that very moment, everything was fine.