Someone reached out to me yesterday, sharing that as she began her spiritual practice, she started feeling anger. She said:
“I recently embarked on my journey towards freedom from suffering caused by myself or others. However, it seems to have triggered anger issues in me. I’m seeking suggestions to help me find my centered, grounded, healing, happy place.”
This can indeed happen. When we step out of our comfort zones, it can bring up fear. Meditation often makes us more sensitive to our bodies, making our feelings more intense.
From my own experience, anger often arises from painful feelings we’ve yet to learn to tolerate. The good news is that we can learn to accept these feelings, so anger doesn’t need to surface. We often expect these feelings to be threatening, like the imaginary monsters under the bed when we were kids. But, in reality, there’s nothing to fear.
Feelings do exist, but once we accept them, we realize they weren’t as big a deal as we thought. They’re just sensations in the body, created by ancient parts of the brain—part of an internal communication system that’s been around for millions of years. When we accept these feelings, they often disappear, just like darkness vanishes when you turn on a light.
It’s important to acknowledge the part of us that’s scared of these feelings. We can’t ignore it; it’s there while we convince ourselves to confront those emotions we’ve been avoiding.
Maybe these feelings are hurt, fear, or confusion. When you feel angry, focus on what’s happening around your heart and gut. Notice it and accept it. Tell yourself, “It’s OK to feel this. Let me feel this.” Understand that having these feelings isn’t wrong; it’s just a habit your body has developed to try to protect you.
Be kind to the part of you creating these feelings. It’s hurt, confused, and afraid. It’s not evil and needs your compassion, not condemnation.
Practice compassion towards it. Touch the part of your body where these feelings are strongest. Tell yourself you love that part, you care, and you’re there to support it.
By treating your feelings as parts of you needing help and support, rather than as threats, you’ll start to lose your fear. You’ll also notice your anger beginning to fade. It was trying to protect you from hurt or confusion, but when you accept your painful feelings, there’s no need for protection.
Remember, anger is a response to painful feelings we haven’t yet learned to tolerate. Pursuing happiness is a conscious decision, and while it may not always be easy, it’s something we can actively work towards by being aware of what influences it.
This morning during my meditation, I experienced strong feelings—more hurt and sadness than anger. The emotions felt almost physical and weren’t tied to any specific thoughts. I now welcome these experiences because I know they indicate I’m letting go of something and will feel better for it. It’s also a chance to practice self-compassion.
This process is always so wise and helpful for me and the clients I counsel in therapy.