The other day, one of my meditation students reached out for some advice. She needed to downsize and move into a smaller apartment, which meant she had to part with some family heirlooms like her mother’s wedding china. More heartbreakingly, her teenage son wouldn’t be able to continue living with her.
So, I wrote back to her:
Dear X,
Letting go of things and dealing with changing relationships is tough, and I completely understand why you’re struggling.
Everyone’s experiences are unique, but here are some thoughts that might help you reflect on your situation.
Is there something you’re looking forward to with this move? Maybe you can think about creating a simpler life or setting up a new space that supports your goals. If you find something to look forward to, it might help you feel more positive about the move.
On a personal note, I also have too much stuff at the moment. When Teresa and I moved in together, we ended up with duplicate furniture. We put some in storage, including two dining tables that we rarely use. I often think that if all that clutter disappeared, I might not notice for weeks and would probably feel a sense of freedom. So, maybe the idea of being free from unused items is something you could embrace as well.
I also think about how one day, I won’t be around anymore, and you can’t take anything with you. If there’s no one obvious to inherit your mother’s wedding china, consider what difference it makes if you give it away now versus after you’re gone. Giving it away now means you’d see someone else enjoying it and have control over where it goes. After you’re gone, you wouldn’t have that satisfaction.
Regarding your son, can you think of his departure as a step into manhood? Maybe you could celebrate this transition with a special ritual or ceremony. For instance, creating a book of wisdom and photos could guide him and serve as a tangible memory of this significant time. This could help you focus on the positive aspect of his change rather than the pain.
I’m just sharing some ideas, and I’d love to hear what you come up with on your own.
What has helped you through painful changes? Feel free to share in the comments below.