Yesterday on Mastodon, which is currently the only social media platform I use alongside the private online community I host for Wildmind’s sponsors, someone shared a link to a “love languages” quiz.
I was already familiar with the concept of love languages. Basically, the idea is that different people, based on their personalities, express and receive love in various ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in ourselves and our loved ones, we can understand the root of our conflicts, connect more deeply, and grow closer.
This makes sense to me because we don’t all show love in the same way. For example, if my partner expresses love by giving small gifts but I don’t value material things, I might not realize she’s trying to show love. On the other hand, if she appreciates physical touch and I’m more verbal with my affections, she might not feel loved when I give her compliments.
I took the quiz, which identified five love languages. My top three were:
1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Acts of Service
Reflecting on my own experiences, I felt that some profound expressions of love weren’t captured by these five. So, I wanted to talk about other ways we communicate love.
One powerful form of love is looking at someone with love. As Jan Chozen Bays noted in her book “How to Train a Wild Elephant,” we instinctively use loving eyes when we fall in love, see a new baby, or admire a cute animal. This is an important form of communication, whether between partners, parents and children, or friends. However, this doesn’t fit neatly into the five love languages, although it’s very significant for many people.
Additionally, one of the deepest forms of love is honesty and vulnerability. When we apologize and explain our actions, showing our weaknesses, it builds trust and demonstrates love. This doesn’t fit into Chapman’s framework either but is crucial in relationships.
I also believe patience and forgiveness are major ways of showing love. When my partner is patient with me and forgives my mistakes, I feel truly loved. This acceptance lets us be ourselves, knowing that we’re seen as works-in-progress and are allowed to be imperfect.
The deepest love language, in my view, is sharing our lives and relationships as a spiritual practice. This involves discussing what we understand love to be, sharing our mistakes and what we’ve learned, and revealing our hopes and fears. It’s about seeing our partners as fellow travelers on a spiritual journey.
Sharing our path with another requires deep trust and a commitment to growth. Through this, we understand what truly matters and see each other and ourselves in a new light. This can create a profound sense of connection and even transcendence.
These deeper love languages highlight the importance of learning to speak and listen to each other’s styles of communication. They show that love is about more than just grand gestures or simple acts; it’s also about understanding, patience, and deep, spiritual connection.
Are there other ways you express or receive love that aren’t covered in Chapman’s book or by these examples? Feel free to share your thoughts.