Someone reached out to me yesterday saying that they were encountering anger as they delved deeper into their spiritual practice. They mentioned that as they started their journey towards relieving suffering, they felt that anger was now becoming an issue for them. They were eager for any advice that could help them find a calm, grounded, and happy place.
This is a common experience. As we move away from our comfort zones, feelings of fear can surface. Meditation can make us more attuned to our bodies, causing us to experience our emotions more intensely.
From my personal experience, anger often emerges in response to painful feelings that we haven’t yet learned to manage. The positive side is that we can learn to accept these feelings, reducing the need for anger to arise. We often perceive these feelings as threatening or terrifying, much like imaginary monsters under the bed in childhood. Just as there was nothing to fear then, there’s nothing truly frightening about these feelings now.
The feelings do exist, but when we accept them, we realize they’re not such a big deal. They’re just sensations in the body triggered by primitive parts of the brain, part of an internal system that evolved eons ago. Once accepted, these feelings often dissipate, much like the darkness disappears when you turn on a light.
However, there is a part of us that’s frightened of these feelings, and we can’t ignore its existence. It will be there as long as we persuade ourselves to face whatever feelings we’ve been avoiding.
When you feel angry, try to focus on what’s happening around your heart and gut. Observe and accept those sensations. Remind yourself, “It’s OK to feel this. Let me feel this.” Understand that having these feelings is not a failure; it’s a part of you that has developed a habit to protect you.
Approach this part of you with kindness. It’s hurt, confused, and afraid. It needs your compassion, not criticism.
Practice showing compassion to these feelings. Gently touch the area of your body where the sensations are strongest. Tell yourself you love this part of you, that you care, and that you’re there to support it.
By treating your feelings as parts of you needing help rather than as entities to be feared, you’ll start to lose your fear. Along the way, you’ll notice your anger begins to fade. Anger was trying to shield you from hurt or confusion, but when you accept your painful feelings, there’s no need for this protection.
Reflecting on this, I have always believed that happiness is a decision. Though it may not always be easy, it’s something we can actively seek by being aware of the factors influencing it.
This morning, my meditation brought up strong feelings of hurt and sadness rather than anger. Initially, I wasn’t sure if I felt physically unwell since the emotions manifested so physically and weren’t tied to specific thoughts. I now welcome such experiences, knowing that letting go of something will lead to feeling better. It’s also an opportunity to practice self-compassion.
As always, these practices are insightful and beneficial, both for me and for clients I work with in therapy.