Parents shaming us by comparing us unfavorably to a sibling, bosses humiliating us in front of colleagues when we don’t meet their expectations, or partners repeatedly complaining about an undone household chore—these are all tactics to push us to achieve more. Most of us have experienced this so often that we’ve adopted this strategy ourselves.
Our inner critic punishes us verbally when we underperform or procrastinate. Despite this internal criticism, many of us still struggle with motivation. When self-criticism fails, we often respond with even more self-criticism, wondering how we’d accomplish anything without it.
However, studies show that people who practice self-compassion are more effective and less prone to procrastination than those who are self-critical. Psychologists at St. Edward’s University in Austin, Texas, found that college students who started their assignments early generally had higher levels of self-compassion and were less likely to procrastinate.
In reality, procrastination isn’t a time management issue but an emotional one. Just thinking about a difficult task can evoke anxiety, restlessness, or dread. When we can’t manage these feelings, we avoid the task entirely. Learning to support and encourage ourselves can help us tackle challenging tasks instead of avoiding them.
One interesting way self-compassion boosts motivation is by developing compassion for our future self. I discovered this when trying to motivate myself to do household chores. Often, I’d leave dirty dishes on the counter, too tired to clean them before bed. Waking up to a messy kitchen was disheartening, so I started thinking about how my future self would feel. Knowing that “Morning Me” would appreciate a clean kitchen, I began washing the dishes at night. This way, “Morning Me” felt grateful to “Evening Me.” Viewing self-discipline as an act of self-care for your future self makes it easier to follow through.
Neuroscience supports this compassionate approach. Alexander Soutschek of the University of Zurich found that shutting down a brain area involved in empathy also disrupted subjects’ self-control. This shows that impulsiveness and lack of self-discipline arise when we can’t empathize with our future selves.
Self-compassion means considering whether your actions will contribute to your long-term happiness and well-being. Short-term thinking leads to giving up easily because something feels unpleasant now. In contrast, self-compassion focuses on long-term benefits, even if something feels unpleasant in the moment.
It’s a myth that self-compassion reduces motivation. In fact, self-compassion is one of the most effective ways to motivate ourselves.