When a parent shames us by unfavorably comparing us to a sibling, a boss humiliates us in front of colleagues for not meeting expectations, or a partner repeatedly complains about undone household tasks, they’re all trying to push us to achieve more. We’ve encountered this so often throughout our lives that we’ve internalized it as a motivational strategy.
Our inner critic scolds us verbally whenever it thinks we’ve underperformed, calling us lazy when tasks remain unfinished. Despite this constant self-criticism, many of us still struggle to motivate ourselves. When self-criticism doesn’t work, we often just double down on it. We might wonder how we’d get anything done if we didn’t give ourselves a hard time.
However, numerous studies show that people who practice self-compassion are actually more effective than those who are self-critical. They also procrastinate less. Psychologists at St. Edward’s University in Austin, Texas, studied college students who preferred to start assignments early versus those who procrastinated. Unsurprisingly, those with higher levels of self-compassion were less likely to procrastinate.
Procrastination is often less about time management and more about managing emotions. Just thinking about a challenging task can bring up feelings of anxiety, restlessness, or dread. When we can’t handle these feelings, we tend to avoid the task altogether. Learning to support and encourage ourselves through discomfort allows us to tackle challenging tasks head-on.
One interesting way self-compassion boosts motivation is by helping us develop empathy for our future self, treating it like a friend. I discovered this approach while trying to motivate myself to handle household chores. Sometimes, I’d be about to go to bed and realize there were dirty dishes in the kitchen. Too tired to wash them, I’d leave them for the morning. But waking up to a messy kitchen was unpleasant.
To overcome this, I began thinking about how my future self, whom I named “Morning Bodhi,” would feel waking up to a mess. Knowing Morning Bodhi would be disheartened, but also happy and grateful for a clean kitchen, I started doing the dishes at night. Morning Bodhi appreciated Evening Bodhi’s efforts, making self-discipline an act of self-care.
This compassionate approach to self-control is backed by neuroscience. Alexander Soutschek from the University of Zurich used magnetic fields to shut down a brain region involved in empathy, the right temporoparietal junction’s rear part. This disruption also affected subjects’ self-control, showing how impulsiveness arises when we can’t relate compassionately to our future self.
Self-compassion involves considering whether our actions will contribute to our long-term happiness and well-being. Short-term thinking makes us give up easily because of present discomfort. In contrast, self-compassion focuses on long-term benefits, asking how we’ll feel later despite current discomfort.
Contrary to the myth that self-compassion reduces motivation, it’s actually one of the most effective ways to motivate ourselves.