Many of us are familiar with being shamed or criticized by others in an attempt to motivate us. It might come from a parent comparing us to a sibling, a boss criticizing us in front of colleagues, or a partner complaining about chores we haven’t done. Over time, we’ve internalized this approach, using self-criticism as a way to push ourselves to achieve more.
Our inner critic often berates us when we feel we’ve fallen short or haven’t started a task. However, despite all this self-criticism, many of us still struggle with motivation. When criticizing ourselves doesn’t work, we often just criticize ourselves even more. We wonder, “How would I get anything done if I didn’t push myself so hard?”
Interestingly, research shows that people who practice self-compassion are actually more effective and procrastinate less than those who are self-critical. Psychologists at St. Edward’s University in Austin, Texas, studied college students and found that those with higher self-compassion tended to start their assignments earlier and procrastinate less.
Procrastination isn’t really about poor time management; it’s about managing our emotions. When we think about a challenging task, we often feel anxious or restless. To avoid these feelings, we might avoid the task itself. By learning to support and encourage ourselves, we can better face these challenging tasks.
A unique way self-compassion boosts motivation is by developing empathy for our future self, treating it like a friend. I discovered this while trying to motivate myself to do household chores. At night, I’d often leave dirty dishes, thinking I was too tired and would deal with them in the morning. But waking up to a messy kitchen was unpleasant.
To overcome this, I thought about how my future self (who I named Morning Me) would feel about waking up to a clean or dirty kitchen. Morning Me would be grateful for a clean kitchen, so I started doing the dishes at night, feeling good about helping my future self. This empathy made self-discipline easier, turning it into an act of self-care.
Neuroscience also supports this compassionate approach. Research by Alexander Soutschek at the University of Zurich showed that disabling a brain area involved in empathy also disrupted self-control. A lack of self-discipline occurs when we can’t relate compassionately to our future self.
Self-compassion makes us consider whether our actions benefit our long-term happiness and well-being. While short-term thinking lets us off the hook easily, self-compassion focuses on long-term benefits. Though something may feel unpleasant now, it’s about how we will feel later.
Contrary to the myth that self-compassion reduces motivation, it actually enhances it. Self-compassion is one of the most effective ways to motivate ourselves.