We live in a time where people have extreme admiration for their preferred political leaders, believing they can do no wrong, while they also harbor intense hatred for opposing leaders, thinking they can do no right. Many believe this hyper-partisan atmosphere is worse now than it used to be, and I think that might be true.
I don’t think this polarized state is healthy. We need to find ways to change this trend, starting with ourselves. Over the past few years, I’ve held a lot of negative feelings toward Donald Trump. While I find him to be a morally repellent individual, disliking someone is different from having ill will toward them.
Ill will means wishing someone to suffer or taking pleasure in their suffering, and sometimes even wanting to see them harmed. It involves believing the worst about their motivations and automatically accepting negative stories about them, true or not. Hatred makes us careless with the truth.
I admit that I’ve harbored ill will towards Trump, taking pleasure in his discomfort and wishing him harm. From a Buddhist ethics perspective, this is unskillful and causes harm to others and myself. If you’re a Trump supporter, you might not like to hear this, and if you dislike Trump more than I do, you might worry that I’ve changed sides. But all I want to do is share how I learned to let go of my ill will.
I still believe Trump is a horrible individual and shouldn’t have power over any organization, let alone a country, but my emotions towards him have softened. This change wasn’t difficult; it required a shift in how I thought about my relationship with him. I imagined Trump as my wayward older brother, the black sheep of the family.
Most families have someone who doesn’t respect normal rules or exploits others. Ties of family can soften our attitudes. Thinking of Trump this way, even if I believe he deserves prison, I’m not gleeful about it. I imagine visiting him in prison to see if he’s okay and offer support. His denial and delusion elicit compassion from me rather than anger.
This approach has worked for me. My heart is more open, reading the news is less stressful, and I’m suffering less. This might help you too. I have to keep reminding myself to adopt this perspective because emotional habits like ill will are strong. But when I think of Trump as my wayward elder brother, I feel compassion for him.
This approach might be influenced by the Buddhist teaching that all beings have been our relatives at some point. While I don’t take this literally, it helps shift my attitude. To be clear, I don’t approve of Trump’s actions, which I consider unethical or illegal. But I no longer harbor ill will towards him.
You don’t need hatred to oppose someone. You can distinguish right from wrong without hate. You can want your wayward brother to face consequences without hating him. We function better without hatred. As the Dhammapada says, “In this world, hatred is never appeased by hatred. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is an eternal truth.”
This mindset touches on how important it is to replace ill will with compassion. Whether it’s my ex, Trump, or anyone else, thinking of them as a family member has helped. Recognizing their suffering and understanding their background can transform our view and reduce our own stress and resentment.
It’s challenging not to think bad thoughts about Trump, but practicing Loving Kindness meditations with him as the “difficult” person helps. While he is a disappointment, understanding his upbringing and surrounding influences allows for pity and compassion. Hopefully, he can find some compassion, patience, and tolerance in his heart too.