It was late in the evening when my son mentioned he’d left his backpack in the car. It wasn’t a big deal, but he needed some things from it for his camp the next day. My car was parked a bit of a walk from our apartment, which normally isn’t a problem, but I was already tired and busy getting both kids ready for bed. I knew I’d have to wait until they were asleep before heading out to get it.
Once the kids were finally asleep, I went downstairs to retrieve the backpack. I felt grouchy and a bit resentful, frustrated with having to do something I hadn’t anticipated because someone else forgot to handle their responsibility.
As I stepped out of the building, it hit me that I was making myself miserable with these thoughts. I recognized that my mild resentment was sapping my energy and making me feel burdened. It was not a good place to be mentally.
Thankfully, a more rational part of me kicked in. It reminded me that I was creating my own suffering and suggested dropping the negative thoughts. I realized that my unhappiness wasn’t about the situation itself but my reaction to it. Realizing this gave me the power to change my mindset.
One effective way to do this is to let go of the negative stories we tell ourselves. I had a story about how my son should have remembered his backpack, how I should have made sure he had it, and how I had failed in that task. I also had a story about how going to the car was a waste of my time and unpleasant. These stories were the root of my mild misery. To feel better, we need to focus on our immediate sensory experience rather than our negative self-talk.
By tuning into the present moment, we limit our ability to ruminate, which often increases our suffering. Our minds can only handle so much at once, so the more we pay attention to our bodies, surroundings, and feelings, the less room there is for unhappy thoughts.
As I made this mental shift, I noticed my movements, my breathing, the cool night air, the darkness, the smell of the nearby river, and the sound of traffic on Main Street. I also acknowledged the knot of resentment in my chest. The key here is to accept these unpleasant feelings rather than resist them. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel them.
This approach can feel radical since our instinct is to escape or fix unpleasant situations. However, turning toward our feelings can actually reduce our suffering. Once you stop feeding the negativity with reactive thinking, the feeling itself becomes more manageable. It might still be strong, but without the obsessive thoughts, each moment becomes bearable.
In doing so, you might also notice pleasant aspects of your experience. The night could be refreshing, the darkness soothing, or you might enjoy the unexpected bit of exercise. You’re alive and breathing, and fundamentally, in that moment, everything is fine.
This shift helped me feel more at peace and made the task less burdensome. It was a great reminder that sometimes, changing our perspective can make all the difference.