Someone recently reached out to me for advice on dealing with self-punishing doubt. They mentioned they began meditating about a month ago but now feel scared to continue. They experienced a sudden wave of self-resentment, recalling bad choices from their past and feeling deeply unworthy of love and compassion, even of the meditation practice itself. This led them to believe they were the most selfish person in the world, which was incredibly painful.
This experience is what we call the “hindrance of doubt”—one of five mental patterns that keep us from feeling at ease with ourselves. The other hindrances include craving, ill will, anxiety, and lethargy, but doubt is often the most insidious.
Doubt undermines our confidence by telling us stories of unworthiness, like feeling selfish. These doubts can target our practices or, more commonly, ourselves. The tricky part is that doubt is hard to spot because the stories we tell ourselves emotionally hit us hard, making us vulnerable and likely to believe them without questioning their truth.
It’s essential to recognize these doubtful thought patterns and remind ourselves that they aren’t reality but just stories. Doing so makes it easier not to buy into the negative narratives we might be telling ourselves. For instance, thinking “I am unworthy of love” isn’t a big problem if you don’t believe it and understand it’s just a fearful part of you trying to “protect” you from positive change.
I believe doubt acts as a defense mechanism, possibly from fear of failure or fear of positive change. It might tell us we can’t handle a challenge to avoid the risk of failing. Or it could come from a part of us that resists change, fearing the loss of familiar habits. I suspect this woman felt doubt because parts of her were afraid of the changes brought by a month of meditation.
Don’t fear doubt. Recognize it just as a story and don’t take it too seriously. There are significant benefits to this approach. Often, when we identify doubt and choose not to believe it, we experience a surge of energy and confidence in ourselves and our practice. Moving past doubt leads to faith.