Today is my birthday, and it’s different from any other I’ve had in my 63 years. It’s the first one since my mother passed away on Christmas Eve, just 11 days ago. My younger sister died a little over a year ago, and back then, I wrote about how my practice helped me cope with the grief. Today, though, I want to talk about something else.
In previous years, my birthday was all about me: I was another year older, another trip around the sun. But this year, I’m thinking more about the “birth” part of birthday. It’s the day my mother gave birth to me, so it feels more about her than me now.
She carried me for over nine months (I was late), and I grew from a tiny cell inside her, living off her body. Today, I feel that part of her continues to live on through me. My life is an extension of hers.
As I discussed in my book, “Living as a River,” parts of our mothers live on in us. Cells from our mothers can remain in our bodies and even help us heal, like in the pancreases of diabetic individuals or damaged heart tissue. So, maybe my mother is still part of me, helping to keep me healthy.
My mind and emotions were deeply influenced by her. My first experience of love was through her. We know from Harry Harlow’s experiments on monkeys how crucial maternal love is for developing our sense of humanity. One of my mother’s greatest gifts to me was her love.
We learn our first words from our mothers, and as I communicate now, I’m passing on that gift from her. Many of my character traits also come from her, not from trying to emulate her but from simply being around her. Some traits are beneficial, others not so much, but they’re all parts of her living through me.
She got traits from her parents, and so on. I believe my role is to enhance the good traits and eliminate the bad ones, passing on the best parts of her to others, not just my children but everyone I meet.
My mother died on Christmas Eve, so I’ve gone through Christmas, New Year, and now my birthday without her. There’s been some grief, and there might be more in the future, especially around these anniversaries, but that will lessen. What will stay is the gratitude and love I feel.