It’s a common belief that focusing on ourselves and our problems will make us happier. However, a study on the language used by poets found that those who frequently used words like “I,” “me,” “my,” and “mine” were more likely to commit suicide than those who used “we,” “us,” “our,” and “ours.” Poets who ended their lives used self-referential language more often as they neared their premature deaths, while those who lived longer lives used language that connected them to others more frequently over time.
This phenomenon ties into the issue of rumination, where our thoughts can amplify our suffering. Frequently thinking in terms of “I,” “me,” “my,” and “mine” is often associated with feelings of distress, such as worrying about personal issues or feeling neglected by others. These “I” thoughts can make us feel isolated and broken, reinforcing a sense of separateness from others.
On the other hand, thinking in terms of “we” fosters a sense of connection and shared humanity. It helps us view our individual struggles as part of the collective difficulties we all face as human beings. Our sufferings become a sign of our shared human experience rather than evidence of personal brokenness. This connection with others can alleviate the feeling of isolation.
Cultivating compassion is a powerful way to shift from “I-thinking” to “we-thinking.” Research shows that considering and responding compassionately to others’ sufferings brings numerous benefits, including increased happiness, better health, higher self-confidence, reduced self-criticism, and greater emotional resilience.
It may seem counterintuitive that empathizing with others’ pain can improve our well-being. However, this reflects our intrinsic social nature. We thrive when we connect with others and find a sense of meaning and purpose in helping them.
Compassion can be developed through simple practices. Essentially, compassion is kindness meeting suffering. In compassion meditation, we start by being kind to ourselves and then extend this kindness to others. This practice helps us consider the well-being of others alongside our own, reducing self-focused rumination, decreasing anxiety, and increasing happiness.