These days, there’s a common misconception that mindfulness is the only quality we need to develop in meditation, and everything else will fall into place. That’s not how meditation practice works, nor is it how it’s traditionally been taught.
Recently, I spoke with someone who proudly claimed that the only form of meditation he practiced was mindfulness of breathing. He believed it was a complete and sufficient practice by itself. However, his personality seemed unbalanced. He was very austere and emotionally dry. During our conversation, there was no emotional exchange; when I discussed a personal issue, his responses were completely off the mark. It felt like we were speaking two different languages, using the same words to mean very different things. Although he seemed to want to respond empathetically, he could not actually do so.
What’s missing here is kindness and compassion. There is a whole set of meditation practices focused on kindness, compassion, appreciation, and reverence. These practices are important and should be considered part of Buddhism’s core curriculum, not optional extras.
Some people are naturally warmer and more emotional. They may have strong connections of love and affection in their lives, and they might not notice an imbalance in their practice as much. Despite this, they’re not reaching their full potential.
Mindfulness meditation can indeed be taught with warmth and kindness. I do this myself, calling it “kindfulness.” This allows us to bring a lot of kindness into our experience. However, even with this approach, there is still an imbalance. We are not fully developing our potential as compassionate human beings.
Mindfulness helps us see how the mind functions. For example, we can observe how anger manifests and choose to let go of angry thoughts. We might also realize we have reserves of kindness and compassion to tap into, making us spontaneously a bit kinder and more compassionate.
Traditionally, kindness and compassion are not just traits we can access but qualities we can develop, strengthen, and deepen. In the past, we might have viewed kindness and compassion as mysterious “things” within us, but now we know they involve specific parts of the brain. Like muscles, these parts grow with exercise. The brain regions active when we are compassionate are different from those active when we are simply mindful, so they need individual attention.
Just like you wouldn’t only work on your arms at the gym while neglecting your legs, you shouldn’t only develop mindfulness while ignoring kindness and compassion. This can lead to emotional underdevelopment.
In my teaching tradition, both mindfulness of breathing and loving-kindness practices are equally emphasized. I was encouraged to alternate and give equal weight to these practices. Personally, as someone not naturally very emotional with a tendency toward negativity, I was advised to put more emphasis on loving-kindness to restore balance.
I continue to teach this way. When introducing people to meditation, I introduce both mindfulness and loving-kindness practices, encouraging students to alternate between the two. This balanced approach helps us become exceptionally mindful, aware, empathetic, and compassionate individuals.