These days, there’s a common belief that mindfulness is the only skill needed in meditation, leading to everything else falling into place naturally. However, this isn’t how the practice works, nor is it how it’s been traditionally taught.
Recently, I spoke with someone who was quite proud that the only meditation he practiced was mindfulness of breathing. He considered this method to be complete and sufficient on its own. However, his personality seemed quite unbalanced; he was very rigid and emotionally distant. Our conversation lacked emotional exchange, and he seemed unable to respond empathetically when I shared a personal issue. It felt like we spoke different languages but used the same words, which was rather confusing. Despite wanting to respond with empathy, he couldn’t seem to manage it.
What he needed was a balance of kindness and compassion. There are various meditation practices centered on kindness, compassion, appreciation, and reverence, which are essential parts of Buddhism’s core teachings, not optional extras.
Some people are naturally warmer and more emotional. They may have strong connections of love and affection in their lives and might not see the lack of balance in their practice as a significant problem. However, this means they aren’t reaching their full potential.
Mindfulness meditation can include an emphasis on warmth and kindness. I call this combined practice “kindfulness,” which allows us to bring a significant amount of kindness into our experience. Nonetheless, even with this approach, there is still an imbalance as it doesn’t fully develop our potential for compassion.
Mindfulness is a wonderful tool allowing us to observe how our minds function, including recognizing and changing patterns like anger. Through mindfulness, we might also notice that we have reservoirs of kindness and compassion that we can access. However, while these qualities can spontaneously arise with mindfulness, traditional practices teach that kindness and compassion can and should be specifically developed and strengthened.
We now understand that kindness and compassion involve specific parts of the brain, which grow with exercise, much like muscles. The brain areas active during compassion differ from those engaged during mindfulness, meaning they aren’t automatically strengthened through mindfulness practice alone.
This is why particular meditation practices focus on cultivating kindness and compassion. They work on specific “mental muscles” that need dedicated attention.
If someone only did arm exercises at the gym and ignored their legs, their legs would remain underdeveloped, even though standing and holding weights involve some leg activity. This analogy applies to our emotional development in meditation.
In my teaching tradition, we emphasize both mindfulness of breathing and loving-kindness practices equally. I was encouraged to alternate between these methods and even focus more on loving-kindness when needed to restore balance, especially as someone not naturally emotionally expressive.
When I introduce students to meditation, I emphasize both mindfulness and loving-kindness practices. I urge them to alternate between the two so they can develop not only heightened mindfulness but also great empathy and compassion.