I’m making dinner for my kids while they tackle their homework in the other room. I’m chopping vegetables, preparing a peanut butter sauce, frying tofu, and stirring rice. Multitasking isn’t my strong suit, and juggling all these tasks is really stressful.
One of my kids asks for a drink, and I feel a wave of irritation. Can’t they see I’m busy? I sigh and, somewhat harshly, say, “I just put the juice back in the fridge! Can you wait two minutes?” My child gets upset, adding to my list of things to manage. I’m annoyed but also disappointed in myself for snapping. My original stress has now snowballed into more problems.
I’ve been working on being more mindful of my feelings and I can sense the stress building up. There’s a tension in my thoughts and I feel like I’m being overly critical of myself. I’m aware that I’m suffering, but I acknowledge it without judgment. Suffering is normal and it’s okay—it’s just part of life sometimes.
I let my awareness shift from my thoughts to my body and feel a knot of tension in my midriff. This is where my suffering expresses itself, trying to get my attention. I look at this suffering part of me with tenderness, the same way I look at my children when I’m feeling particularly loving towards them.
I say to myself, “I know this is hard for you. I just want you to know that I love you and want you to be happy.” This internal dialogue only takes a few seconds. Meanwhile, I’m still chopping and stirring.
When another request for juice comes, I calmly tell my child that I’m in the middle of something and it’ll be a minute. I realize that my feelings of being overwhelmed are partly due to being tired and having low blood sugar. This realization is a relief. It’s not that the world is terrible, my kids aren’t out to complicate my life, and I’m not failing as a parent or cook. I’m simply tired and hungry. This awareness comforts me as I continue cooking.
The kindness I show myself starts to reflect in my cooking. I enjoy the colors, textures, and smells of the food, and this positive energy affects how I interact with my kids. I’m more calm and kind to them, and they feel loved. A minute later, I get their juice.
Being mindful of our emotions creates a “sacred pause,” making us less likely to react out of anger, judgment, or blame. Mindfulness allows us to just observe what’s happening without adding suffering. This pause also encourages creative and compassionate responses, helping us support ourselves empathetically.
When we’re kind and compassionate towards ourselves, we’re more likely to treat others the same way. This breaks down the negative cycle, helping us view situations with wisdom. We remember that suffering is normal and often a result of our physiological state, not a personal failure or a horrible world.
Practicing self-compassion isn’t always easy, but the steps are straightforward once we remember them. By imagining or recalling stressful situations, we can practice these steps until they become second nature. Rehearsing in this way helps us respond with compassion and kindness to ourselves and others in real-life situations.
Self-compassion is incredibly powerful and practicing it can transform how we handle stress. Remembering to apply these steps can make a significant difference in our daily lives, helping us treat ourselves and others with the kindness we all deserve.