We often struggle to do things that benefit our long-term well-being, especially when they’re challenging in the short term. Habits like meditating or exercising regularly require self-discipline and can be tough to incorporate into our busy lives. Meditation can be hard when we’re restless, and exercise is often uncomfortable. Although these activities make us healthier and happier in the long run, the immediate future feels distant, making it hard to take it seriously.
We can try to power through challenging tasks for their long-term benefits, but sustaining this effort is difficult. Typically, we see a backlash: we diet but then binge, train hard but then slack off.
I’ve discovered a simple, compassionate way to overcome short-term resistance and commit to long-term well-being through self-compassion. Essentially, self-discipline becomes easier when it stems from self-compassion. Let me explain how this works.
The simple trick is to have your present self treat your future self with compassion, as if your future self were a friend. Be kind to your future self.
Here are some examples:
When you give up easily, it’s short-term thinking: “This feels unpleasant now, so I’ll stop.” Self-compassion, however, considers the long-term benefits: “This feels unpleasant now, but how will I feel later?”
By establishing an empathetic and compassionate relationship with your future self, self-discipline becomes easier. It reduces the pain of persuading ourselves to do things that benefit us in the long term. Empathy for our future selves turns self-discipline into self-care rather than self-punishment.
There’s less likely to be a backlash because you’re not forcing yourself to do anything. Instead, you’re persuading yourself kindly and rationally. Thinking about the pleasant feelings your future self will experience as a result of your current actions brings joy to the present moment. Feeling gratitude in the future for your past actions is also a source of happiness, which is much more pleasant than trying to “power through.” A self-compassionate approach also helps you feel better about yourself, seeing yourself as a friend who helps you live happily, rather than as an obstacle to your own happiness.
In summary, having empathy for your future self makes it easier to avoid impulsive and self-defeating behavior, encouraging actions that promote your long-term well-being.