Years ago, back in my twenties, I found myself in a pretty awkward situation at the home of a recently divorced woman I was dating. Her ex-husband unexpectedly dropped by just after she had stepped out for a few minutes. In an attempt to ease the tension, I offered him a cup of coffee. He accepted, and I think we were both grateful for the simple gesture to diffuse the situation.
He wanted sugar with his coffee, but I wasn’t sure where she kept it. After some searching, I found a sugar bowl and scooped two heaping spoonfuls into his mug. He took a sip and immediately looked disgusted. I had mistakenly given him salt instead of sugar. It felt incredibly awkward; I was worried he’d think it was intentional.
This incident reminded me of how easily we can mix up two things with unpleasant results. This confusion also exists in spiritual practice, much more than with misplaced sugar and salt. The Buddha once said that misunderstanding teachings is like grabbing a snake by the wrong end. If you grab a snake by the tail, it will likely bite you.
So, what are the common misunderstandings in spiritual practice? Here are four examples:
First, non-attachment is often misconstrued. It’s about being aware of your desires and letting them go, not about being emotionally detached or not caring. True non-attachment helps us recognize and set aside our emotional avoidance strategies, enabling genuine compassion and care for others.
Second, patience can be misunderstood as complacency. You might stay with an unsupportive partner or tolerate a friend’s relentless talking, thinking you’re practicing patience. However, neither you nor the other person is happy in these scenarios. Sometimes, it’s more beneficial to be less accepting and to challenge these behaviors.
Third, people often extend compassion to others but are harsh on themselves. Buddhist teachings suggest that true compassion for others starts with self-compassion. When I first encountered this idea, I thought it was wrong. Over time, I realized that my kindness to others was often a way to feel good about myself or to be liked. When I learned to be kind to myself, true empathy and compassion naturally extended to others.
Lastly, the teaching of karma is frequently misused. Originally, it was meant as a personal guide; our actions influence our happiness or suffering. However, it has sometimes become a tool for judging others, thinking they deserve their suffering. A true understanding of karma involves looking at our own reactions and choosing a compassionate response.
These are just a few ways that misunderstanding spiritual teachings can cause suffering. It’s crucial to ensure you’re applying these teachings correctly, just like making sure you’re putting sugar, not salt, in your coffee.