There’s an old tale about a young man who wanted to become an expert swordsman. He traveled a long distance to find a famous teacher living in a remote mountain area. After much effort, he finally found the master and pleaded to be accepted as a student. To his delight, the master agreed.
The student then asked, “How long will it take for me to become as good a swordsman as you?” The master replied, “Perhaps fifteen years.” This answer disappointed the student, so he inquired, “How long if I try really hard?” After pondering, the master replied, “If you try really hard, it might take you twenty years.”
The lesson here is that sometimes, the harder you try, the more you hinder your progress. Meditation works in a similar way. “Trying hard” involves grasping, but meditation is about letting go. It’s about being present, accepting, and opening up. While there’s a sense of working in our meditation practice, it’s crucial to approach it with openness and acceptance. This way, our work is gentle and attentive, not forceful.
For me, it all begins with the eyes. When we strive or grasp, our gaze becomes tight and narrow because we’re focusing intensely on something we desire or want to avoid. This narrow focus leads to physical tension and an overactive mind, which isn’t pleasant.
By allowing the eyes to soften, both the focus and the muscles around the eyes relax, triggering a state of relaxation. This relaxed gaze is something we naturally do when we feel safe and relaxed, not needing to be on high alert.
As soon as the eyes soften, the mind calms, thoughts slow down, and the body relaxes. Breathing also becomes slower and deeper. This is how I always start meditating.
When the eyes soften, our gaze opens up to take in the whole visual field effortlessly. This translates to a more open and receptive inner attention, allowing us to sense the whole body and other inner sensations naturally and effortlessly.
Now, we can sense the movements of breathing throughout the whole body, creating a rich sensory experience that helps us stay mindful. While we might think we need to work hard to calm the mind, we find that simply softening the eyes and connecting our awareness with the body is enough. With gentleness, kindness, and curiosity, we stay mindful of our body’s breathing. Our thoughts become fewer and pass by without much distraction. Even when thoughts pull us away, it’s easier to let go of them by softening our eyes again.
If we tried achieving this mindfulness through sheer effort, it could take hours and might only happen during a retreat. Too much effort creates mental turbulence, distraction, and resistance. It’s like trying to grab a slippery bar of soap in the bath—the harder you try, the more it slips away. In meditation, we need to let things happen rather than force them.
By doing the opposite of trying hard, we can achieve much more. Always be gentle with yourself.