There’s an old story about a young man who wants to become a master swordsman. He travels a long distance to find a famous teacher living in the mountains. After a difficult journey, he meets the sword master and begs to be taught. The master agrees, and the young man asks, “How long will it take for me to be as skilled as you?” The master replies, “About fifteen years.”
Surprised and dismayed, the student asks, “How long if I try really hard?” The master thinks for a moment before saying, “If you try really hard, it might take you twenty years.”
The story illustrates that sometimes, the harder you try, the more you hinder your own progress. This concept applies well to meditation. “Trying hard” often involves an element of striving, but meditation is about letting go. It’s about being, accepting, and opening up. While there’s a sense of working during meditation practice, it’s crucial to start with openness and acceptance. This approach ensures that your efforts are gentle and kind rather than filled with grasping.
For me, this process begins with the eyes. A striving and grasping mind creates a tense, narrow focus. This kind of focus makes us physically tense and puts our minds into overdrive, which isn’t pleasant. Softening the eyes, relaxing the focus, and easing the muscles around the eyes can trigger a state of relaxation. This relaxed gaze is something we naturally do when we feel safe and don’t need to be hyper-aware of dangers around us.
When the eyes soften like this, the mind calms down, thoughts slow, and the body starts to relax. Breathing becomes slow and deep. This is my starting point for meditation.
As the eyes soften, our field of vision widens naturally and effortlessly. This broader gaze allows our inner awareness to open up and take in the whole body and other sensations at once. As a result, we can sense our breath moving throughout our body, providing a rich sensory experience that helps us stay mindful.
Initially, we might think that calming the mind requires a lot of effort, but we soon discover that simply softening the eyes can set everything in motion. From there, it’s about connecting our inner awareness with the body and staying mindful of our breathing with gentleness, kindness, and curiosity. At this stage, thoughts often arise and pass away without much distraction. When thoughts do pull us in, it’s easier to let them go by softening the eyes again.
If we tried to achieve this depth of mindfulness by just “trying harder,” it might take hours and would likely be possible only during a retreat. Excessive effort in meditation leads to mental turbulence, distraction, and resistance—much like trying to grab a slippery bar of soap in the bath. The more you lunge at it, the more it slips away. Meditation is the same; achieving depth requires allowing it to happen naturally, not forcing it.
By doing the opposite of trying hard, we can go much further. Always remember to be gentle with yourself.