There’s an old tale about a young man who wants to become an expert swordsman. He travels a great distance to find a famous teacher living in a remote mountain area. After a tough journey, he finally meets the master and asks to become his student. To his delight, the master agrees.
Curious about his future, the student asks, “How long will it take for me to be as skilled as you?” The master responds, “Maybe fifteen years.” The student, hoping to speed up the process, asks, “What if I try really hard?” The master thinks for a moment and then says, “If you try really hard, it might take you twenty years.”
The lesson here is that sometimes, the harder you try, the more you hinder your own progress. Meditation is a lot like that. Trying too hard usually involves grasping, but meditation is about letting go and being open. It’s about acceptance and openness, not about striving. Sure, there is an element of effort, but it’s crucial to establish a mindset of openness and receptivity first. This way, our effort is gentle and kind rather than forceful.
For me, it begins with the eyes. A striving mind leads to a tight, narrow gaze, probably because it focuses intensely on what it wants or wants to avoid. This narrow focus makes us physically tense, and our mind becomes overactive, which isn’t pleasant.
By softening the eyes and relaxing the muscles around them, we can trigger relaxation. This relaxed, gentle gaze is something we naturally do when we’re calm and feel safe, like when we stare into space. When the eyes soften, the mind also calms down, thoughts slow, the body relaxes, and breathing becomes deeper.
This is my starting point for meditating. When the eyes soften, our gaze widens, allowing us to take in our entire visual field naturally and effortlessly. This translates into an open and receptive inner awareness, where we can sense the entire body and its sensations simultaneously.
Now, we can feel the movements of our breath throughout the body, giving us a rich sensory experience that aids mindfulness. We might think achieving a calm mind requires hard work, but often, simply softening the eyes does the trick. It’s about letting our awareness connect with the body and staying mindful in a gentle, kind, and curious way.
When we reach this state, thoughts are infrequent and tend to come and go without much disturbance. If thoughts do distract us, we can easily return to softness, relaxing the eyes again.
Trying harder to achieve this level of mindfulness might take hours, likely only achievable during a retreat. Putting in too much effort in meditation leads to mental struggle and resistance, similar to trying to grab a slippery bar of soap. Lunging for it just pushes it away. In meditation, if we want to achieve something, we should let it happen naturally, not force it.
By doing the opposite of trying hard, we often progress much more effectively.
Remember to always be gentle with yourself.