There’s an old story about a young man who wants to learn how to be an expert swordsman. He travels a long way to find a famous teacher who lives in the mountains. After much effort, he finds the sword master and begs to be his student. To his delight, the master agrees.
The student then asks, “How long will it take for me to become as good a swordsman as you?” The master responds, “About fifteen years.” The student, not happy with this answer, asks, “How long if I try really hard?” After thinking it over, the master says, “If you try really hard, it might take you twenty years.”
The lesson here is that sometimes, the harder you try, the more you get in your own way. Meditation is a lot like that. When you try too hard, it often involves a kind of grasping, but meditation is about letting go. It’s about being present, accepting, and opening up. Yes, there is an effort in meditation, but it’s important to start with a sense of openness and acceptance. This way, the effort isn’t about grasping but about paying gentle and kind attention.
It all starts with the eyes for me. When your mind is striving and grasping, your gaze becomes tight and narrow. This happens because striving makes you focus on one thing intensely, which creates physical tension and a state of mental overdrive. It’s not a pleasant way to be.
When you let your eyes soften and relax the muscles around them, it triggers a state of relaxation. This relaxed gaze is something we do when we feel safe and relaxed, like staring into space. Once your eyes soften, your mind calms down, your thoughts slow, and your body begins to relax. Your breathing becomes slow and deep.
This is what I do when I start meditating. When the eyes soften, the gaze widens naturally and effortlessly, enabling us to take in the whole visual field. This openness in our visual field translates to an open and receptive inner field of attention. We can then sense the movements of our breathing throughout the body, which offers a rich sensory experience that helps us remain mindful.
We might think we need to work hard to calm our minds, but in reality, we just need to let our eyes soften. Then, we allow our inner awareness to connect with our body and stay mindful of the whole body breathing with gentleness, kindness, and curiosity. At this point, thoughts become fewer and mostly arise and pass without distracting us. When thoughts do distract us, it’s easier to let them go by softening our eyes again.
Trying too hard to achieve this kind of mindfulness would take hours, and even then, probably only during a retreat. A lot of effort in meditation creates mental chaos, distraction, and resistance. It’s like trying to grab a slippery bar of soap in the bath; if you lunge for it, you’ll just push it away. In meditation, you need to let things happen, not force them.
By doing the opposite of trying hard, we can go much further. Always be gentle with yourself.