There are many ways we can react to life’s challenges, disappointments, and frustrations. We might become anxious, worry, and imagine the worst possible outcomes, making our hearts race. Sometimes, we lose our tempers, yell, leave in a huff, or stew in resentment. We might blame someone else, even if they’re only indirectly involved.
To avoid dealing with tough emotions, we might turn to drinking, binge-watching Netflix, burying ourselves in work, or overeating. We tend to avoid people we have issues with, ignore mail that might bring bad news, or delay calling the doctor about worrisome symptoms. Shutting down and sinking into depression, we might blame ourselves and believe we’re useless, that things always go wrong, and that nobody likes us. It’s also possible to go numb and completely disconnect from our feelings.
All these reactions to difficulties have two things in common: first, they create more problems for us. Our minds often amplify the issues, making our reactions more problematic than the original challenges themselves. Second, these reactions are unnecessary. While changing our ways might be hard or scary, it’s doable.
We all have the ability to become aware of how our minds work and how they can cause us suffering. We can learn to let go of the thoughts and actions that make us freak out. We’re capable of facing tough feelings with courage and handling challenges with a calm, creative mind. We all have that potential.
None of us are incapable of adopting a more balanced, less suffering-inducing way of being. We’ve simply learned habits that amplify problems, whether from our own minds, our families, friends, or culture. But we can learn new habits.
Understanding that habits rely on brain circuits, and recognizing that these circuits constantly change, makes this easier. If we keep reacting negatively, we reinforce those pathways in the brain. However, if we practice keeping things in perspective, managing our emotions, and maintaining positivity, those positive habits will grow stronger, and their brain circuits will become more deeply ingrained.
Every thought, word, and action we take literally rewires our brains. By doing this, we can transform into much happier and radically different people than we once were. We just need to take the first step and accept that we shape who we are.