One common worry about self-compassion is that it might make us lazy and self-indulgent, leading to a lack of motivation. People often think self-indulgence involves avoiding difficulties, which may feel beneficial initially but is harmful in the long run. This avoidance, or “copping out,” is seen as letting ourselves off the hook when facing tough tasks. However, this misconception is far from the truth.
Self-compassion is about giving yourself support, understanding, and encouragement when you encounter challenges. It doesn’t mean dodging difficulties; instead, it equips you to face them head-on. By acknowledging and supporting yourself, you actually serve your long-term happiness and build courage.
Consider a scenario where you had to give a presentation, and it didn’t go as planned. Without self-compassion, you might think, “I’m such an idiot! I always mess up. I made a fool of myself. I was stupid to even try!” This mindset could make you even more nervous for future presentations or lead you to avoid them entirely, which is a form of self-indulgence—protecting yourself from discomfort by avoiding challenges.
A self-compassionate response to the same situation would be different. You might take a moment to breathe, recognize your pain, and think, “This hurts, but I’m here for you.” You might remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect and that you’re still learning how to give presentations, so it’s natural to make mistakes. You could think about ways to prepare better for next time or seek feedback from a colleague to gain a more objective view of your performance.
Without self-compassion, it’s almost impossible to take these constructive steps. Being hard on ourselves makes us avoid thinking about our failures, as it just gives us another reason to criticize ourselves. We’d rather forget our mistakes than reflect on them to learn. Ironically, when we’re not self-compassionate, we also struggle to forget our failures, as our mind keeps bringing up moments we perceive as imperfect, causing recurring feelings of shame and humiliation.
Self-compassion builds emotional resilience, enabling us to recover from failures. It gives us the courage to try again and face the painful emotions like fear, frustration, and shame that challenges can bring. Contrary to popular belief, self-compassion is not indulgence; they are actually opposites.
It’s really about being gentle with yourself—accepting that you don’t always have to meet expectations and that making mistakes is okay. Life has a way of guiding you where you need to go, even if you stumble along the way.