Embracing Our Flaws
Some people can accept their less attractive traits without much distress. Others develop ways to hide these imperfections, while some convince themselves that their shortcomings justify harmful behaviors. This mindset is something I frequently encounter in addiction treatment.
Many individuals think they are so worthless that they either plunge into a life of substance abuse or consider ending their lives to spare the world from their misery. This is real suffering.
The Buddha’s teachings resonate well with the principles of addiction treatment. His First Noble Truth states that life involves suffering and dissatisfaction. The Second Noble Truth explains that suffering stems from craving. Wanting things to be different than they are creates suffering because it prevents us from accepting the present moment. Not getting what we want causes suffering due to our desire, and even getting what we want causes suffering through fear of loss or disillusionment.
The Third Noble Truth suggests that suffering can end. By accepting the impermanent nature of life, we can stop clinging so desperately. Understanding that clinging is like trying to hold water or a rainbow helps reduce attachment and alleviates suffering.
When we embrace life’s fleeting nature, we shift from a mindset of desperation to one of openness. With regular meditation, we can become more adaptable, moving fluidly from moment to moment and embracing new possibilities.
Problems arise when we expect temporary things to remain unchanged or view our painful emotions as permanent. Our emotions are actually more fleeting than our thoughts, and it’s often our attitude toward them that causes suffering. When we’re in a negative state of mind, even brief moments can feel like an eternity.
We often label ourselves as fundamentally flawed and incapable of fitting into societal norms. However, if we see ourselves as always evolving, we can begin to release this pain. A friend once described himself as “a mess in process,” marking the start of true liberation.
Behavioral therapists focus on recognizing Negative Automatic Thoughts (NATS), which can reveal deeply held core beliefs. Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), advises us to challenge these distortions. For example, instead of saying, “I always screw things up because I’m impulsive,” we can reframe it to “I sometimes make mistakes due to my impulsive nature.”
Impulsiveness can have positive aspects, like a propensity for novelty seeking, which scientists link to genetic mutations. People with lower levels of the Monoamine oxidase enzyme (MAO) often take more risks, which can benefit humanity despite potential dangers. For instance, had explorers with this trait not ventured into the unknown, we might not be as globally connected as we are today.
Rather than using our perceived flaws as a reason for self-pity, it’s more helpful to see their positive aspects. Adopting a compassionate view of ourselves as a “mess in process” can boost our confidence and help us align more with our values. Viewing our dysfunctions in a nuanced way allows us to transform weaknesses into strengths, moving us away from a victim mentality and toward a more empowered life.
Reflecting on my own life, I see it as a “mess in process,” and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m grateful for both the mess and the journey it brings.