Happiness is often the most suppressed emotion. If this surprises you, think about what happens during meditation: we simply notice when our mind starts wandering into rumination, sometimes without realizing how far it goes. We then let go of these thoughts and return to our breathing or immediate sensory experiences. After just a few minutes, we feel calmer and happier, or at least less troubled and unhappy, which amounts to the same thing.
Breathing itself isn’t magical; it’s just that much of our thinking makes us unhappy. Our thoughts can cause stress, anxiety, irritation, or discontent. When we let go of these thoughts, we stop making ourselves unhappy. Our unchecked, unmonitored rumination represses our sense of well-being.
We also repress our natural sense of well-being by ignoring the positive and focusing on what’s wrong in our lives. This is a form of cognitive distortion. When we start to notice, acknowledge, and appreciate what’s going right, we feel much happier. Psychologists say that being grateful and appreciative is one of the main things we can do to be happier. In one study, participants wrote a letter of appreciation to someone who had helped them, and they were measurably happier a month later. It’s astonishing that a 30-minute exercise can lift your mood for a month. Other studies have found that daily gratitude exercises can improve happiness and health, even promoting better sleep.
A few months ago, when I was feeling down about my life, my girlfriend pointed out some of the good things: a beautiful apartment, wonderful kids, good friends, people grateful for what I do, and good health. This perspective lifted my mood considerably.
One practice I recommend is simply sitting down and saying “thank you” for the things going right in your life. You can say the words out loud or articulate them clearly in your mind. If you’re struggling to identify what’s going right, remember the cognitive distortion I mentioned. We often take for granted and ignore many things going well.
Here are a few things that might be going right for you: you have shelter, access to the internet, electronic devices, electricity, water, sewers, food, furniture, clean air, paved roads, and emergency services. Your heart is beating, your body is mostly functional, and it tries to heal itself if you’re ill or injured. Your senses work well enough to get by, you are conscious and aware, and you have the capacity to learn and cultivate gratitude.
If you’ve sincerely done this exercise, notice how you feel. Has your mood shifted, even a little? Probably yes, and this shows the benefits of focusing on what’s going right in life.
Gratitude turns what we have into abundance. I’m not suggesting we ignore difficulties. There are tough things in our lives and the world, but if we focus solely on them, they become harder to bear. Feeling depressed and despondent makes it harder to respond constructively to challenges.