Happiness is often the most suppressed emotion. Think about what happens during meditation: we notice when our mind starts drifting into daydreams or worries, and then gently redirect our focus back to our breathing or current sensory experiences. After a few minutes, this makes us feel calmer and happier—or at least less troubled, which is essentially the same thing.
There’s nothing magical about the act of breathing that boosts our mood. The real reason we feel relief is that much of our thinking makes us unhappy by causing stress, anxiety, irritation, or discontent. When we let go of these thoughts, we stop making ourselves unhappy. Our unchecked rumination dampens our sense of wellbeing.
Another way we suppress our natural happiness is by ignoring the positive. We tend to fixate on what’s wrong in our lives while overlooking what’s going right. This is a form of cognitive distortion.
If we start to notice, acknowledge, and appreciate the good things in our lives, we feel much happier. Psychologists say that gratitude is one of the main contributors to happiness. I came across a study where participants wrote a letter of appreciation to someone who had helped them. Those who did this were noticeably happier a month later. It’s amazing that a simple 30-minute exercise can boost your mood for such a long time. Other studies have shown that writing a daily list of things we’re grateful for can improve happiness and even health, like promoting better sleep.
A few months ago, I was feeling down about my life, and my girlfriend at the time reminded me of the good things: my beautiful apartment, wonderful kids, good friends, being appreciated for my work, and my general health. Considering these lifted my spirits significantly.
One practice I suggest is to sit down and say “thank you” for the things going right in your life. By this, I mean either saying it out loud or clearly articulating it in your mind.
If you’re struggling to see what’s going right, remember the cognitive distortion I mentioned earlier. We often take for granted and overlook many positive things. Here are a few possibilities for you to consider and offer thanks for:
– You’re sheltered from the elements.
– You have access to the internet.
– You might have an electronic device that stores and accesses vast amounts of information.
– You have electricity and water.
– There are sewers to dispose of waste hygienically.
– You have food in your home.
– You’re surrounded by furniture, which makes you wealthy compared to many in the world.
– You have relatively clean air, paved roads, and live in a lawful area.
– Emergency services are available if needed.
– You’re breathing, and your heart is beating. Your body mostly functions well, and even if you’re ill or injured, it tries to heal itself.
– Your senses work well enough for day-to-day life.
– You are conscious, aware of your surroundings and inner world, and have self-awareness.
– You can learn and cultivate gratitude.
If you’ve sincerely engaged in this exercise, notice how you feel. Has your mood improved, even a little? Likely, the answer is yes, and you’ve just experienced the benefits of focusing on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.
Gratitude turns what we have into abundance.
I’m not suggesting ignoring life’s difficulties. Challenges exist, but they become harder to bear when we focus solely on them and not on our many blessings. There are terrible things happening in the world, but being depressed and despondent hinders our ability to respond constructively.