A member of Wildmind’s community recently reminded me of an article titled “The Surprising Downsides of Empathy” that was published on the BBC website two-and-a-half years ago. According to the article, misplaced empathy can lead to exhaustion, apathy, and can even hinder you from effectively helping others. Worse yet, empathy can be manipulated to induce aggression and cruelty.
Generally, empathy is seen positively, with many people believing we need more of it in our world. However, some argue for a “tough love” approach, suggesting that we coddle people too much, particularly young people. I suspect many of these individuals are simply unkind and misunderstand the true nature of empathy. However, misunderstandings about empathy are a topic for another discussion.
Researcher Paul Bloom, author of “Against Empathy,” is quoted in the article. Bloom makes an important distinction between empathy and compassion. Empathy is about feeling what others feel, while compassion involves a desire to help someone without necessarily sharing their emotional state. For instance, if a friend’s child has drowned, empathy would mean experiencing their sorrow, whereas compassion involves wanting to help your friend through their suffering.
It’s essential to recognize the difference between empathy and compassion. Empathy involves resonating with someone else’s feelings or situation, but it doesn’t always require imagining oneself in that situation. Conversely, compassion is about wanting to alleviate suffering, a concept rooted in the Pāli and Sanskrit word “karuna,” which comes from the verb “karoti,” meaning “to do.”
We need compassion more than empathy, but that doesn’t mean empathy is inherently bad or useless. The BBC article implies empathy may not be necessary. Bloom gives an example: an adult comforting a child afraid of a barking dog doesn’t need to share the child’s fear. However, a person with no empathy might react by shouting at the child, highlighting the necessity of empathy for understanding and addressing others’ needs properly.
Empathy is actually at play in Bloom’s example. A compassionate adult knows what the child is experiencing and provides the needed reassurance because they empathize. The misconception that empathy requires experiencing another’s terror is misleading.
The notion that being “too empathetic” is problematic is a flawed diagnosis. No virtue stands alone; it needs to be balanced by other qualities. For instance, generosity is positive but can become harmful without prudence and wisdom to gauge its consequences. Similarly, “empathic distress” isn’t just about having too much empathy; it’s about lacking complementary virtues like self-compassion and wisdom.
Bloom shows that empathy needs balancing with wisdom and ethical awareness. For example, empathizing with a specific person’s hardships might overshadow the needs of others who might be in greater distress. Ethical awareness helps us understand that inflicting pain, even if done out of empathy for one person, is wrong. Balancing empathy with self-compassion is also crucial to prevent us from becoming overwhelmed by others’ suffering.
The so-called “downsides” of empathy described in the article don’t stem from empathy itself but from missing balancing virtues like wisdom, ethics, and self-compassion. Empathic distress can be harmful, but balanced empathy leads to compassion and action.
Bloom’s work sheds light on the harmful effects of unbalanced empathy, which can result in empathic distress. Nevertheless, the real issue lies in the lack of complementary virtues.
In summary, empathy needs to be paired with wisdom, ethical awareness, and self-compassion to prevent burnout and ensure effective, compassionate actions. Recognizing the difference between understanding others’ pain (empathy) and the motivation to help (compassion) is crucial to helping others without compromising our well-being.