One of the key teachings from the Buddha is the four noble truths. These truths explain that 1) suffering is a part of life, 2) suffering happens because we tend to cling to things, 3) there is a state called nirvana where suffering can be overcome, and 4) there are specific practices that help us reach that state.
While these truths might suggest that we can find a way to avoid suffering, the reality is that we need to get better at handling the inevitable suffering in life. Essentially, rather than trying to evade suffering, we need to learn to respond to it in a healthier way to prevent further anguish.
Here are some suggestions to help you cope better with suffering:
First, if we expect life to be perpetually blissful, we set ourselves up for disappointment, which itself is a form of suffering. Recognizing that suffering is a universal and unavoidable part of life helps prevent the feeling of personal failure when we do encounter it.
Social media can exacerbate this issue by making it seem like others are happier than we are, which is often not the case. Statements like “happiness is a choice” can make us feel inadequate when we’re not happy. However, suffering is part of the human experience and doesn’t indicate failure.
Many people think of suffering as major life events like illness, loss, or extreme hardship, but most suffering is more mundane: frustration, worry, loneliness, and similar emotions. Recognizing these smaller forms of suffering is important because ignoring them can let them grow unchecked.
It’s natural to want to escape from suffering and replace it with something pleasant. But avoiding our problems in this way leads to more suffering in the long run. The real path out of suffering is to face it directly, with mindfulness and even-handedness, understanding that it is not a permanent part of us.
We often identify closely with our suffering, making it feel like it’s an integral part of ourselves. However, suffering is more like a temporary cloud passing by, not a permanent fixture in our lives. By observing our suffering mindfully, we can see it as separate from ourselves, making it less burdensome.
Pain evolved to catch our attention to potential threats, but often our reactions are exaggerated. For instance, early abandonment may cause us to react strongly to minor slights as adults. Understanding that painful feelings are just warning signals—and not necessarily accurate reflections of danger—helps manage our reactions better.
Constant thinking and worrying can make us miserable. By noticing the impact of our thoughts on our emotions, we can catch ourselves and change how we respond, moving away from unhelpful mental patterns.
Our feelings also influence our thoughts. Negative emotions make us look for negative things, perpetuating a cycle of suffering. Choosing to observe our feelings rather than be controlled by them can prevent them from dominating our minds.
Once we start paying attention to how our minds construct messages of potential threats, we can begin to rewrite those internal rules. For instance, a forgotten request from a partner doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care—it might just mean they were preoccupied. Realistic and compassionate rules help minimize suffering.
When comforting a friend, we respond with empathy and kindness. We should treat our suffering the same way, acknowledging it with compassion instead of harsh judgment.
Consider a past situation that once caused you pain but now doesn’t bother you. This illustrates that feelings are impermanent. Recognizing this helps us take our feelings less seriously and avoid overreacting to them.
Feelings of suffering are internally generated and act as warning signals. Often, these signals are overblown. By closely examining our suffering, we might realize that it is more like a mental trick than a real, threatening condition.
The Buddha taught that suffering fundamentally doesn’t exist because it’s an illusion created by the mind. The mind can both create and alleviate suffering by how it interprets experiences. With deep enough awareness and compassion, we can free ourselves from the illusion of suffering.