
Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t matter if it’s me, you, the neighbors, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, King David, or the Buddha—everyone does it. It’s crucial to recognize these mistakes, feel the appropriate amount of remorse, and learn from them to prevent them from happening again. Unfortunately, most people tend to be overly self-critical, beating themselves up far beyond what’s productive.
In our minds, we have various sub-personalities. For example, one part of me might set an alarm for 6 am to exercise, but when it goes off, another part of me might grumble, “Who set that darn clock?” There’s an inner critic and an inner protector in each of us. Typically, the inner critic is constantly nagging, searching for any fault it can find. It blows small mistakes out of proportion, punishes us repeatedly for past actions, ignores the broader context, and doesn’t acknowledge our efforts to make amends.
That’s why we need our inner protector to stand up for us. This inner protector puts our weaknesses and mistakes in perspective, highlights our good qualities, encourages us to keep making positive choices, and tells the inner critic to pipe down.
With the support of this inner protector, we can clearly see our faults without falling into a pit of despair. We can clean up our messes as best as possible and move on. The purpose of guilt, shame, or remorse is to learn from our mistakes, not to punish ourselves endlessly. Anything beyond learning from the experience only leads to unnecessary suffering. Plus, excessive guilt and other negative feelings can drain our energy, sour our mood, sap our confidence, and diminish our sense of self-worth, making it harder to contribute positively to the world.
Forgiving yourself involves seeing your faults clearly, taking responsibility with genuine remorse, making amends, and then finding peace with your actions. Here’s how to get started:
Pick a small mistake you’re still beating yourself up over and try one or more of the following methods. Although they are spelled out in detail here, you can get the essence of these methods in just a few minutes.
Once you’re comfortable, you can move on to addressing more significant issues.
May you find peace while doing this.