We live in an era where it’s normal to have unwavering admiration for your preferred political leader, believing they can do no wrong, and an equally intense dislike for opposing leaders, thinking they can do no right. This hyper-partisan situation is said to be worse now than it used to be, and I believe that’s true. This highly polarized state isn’t healthy, and we need to find ways to address it. As a society, we start with individuals, and the individual I have the most influence over is myself.
Over the past few years, I’ve held strong negative feelings toward Donald Trump. There’s been plenty of dislike and even loathing—I find him morally questionable on many levels—but disliking someone is different from harboring ill will. According to Buddhist ethics, disliking someone is morally neutral. Ill will, however, goes further. It means wishing for someone to suffer or taking pleasure in their suffering, maybe even wishing them harm. Often, it means assuming the worst about their motivations and readily believing any negative stories about them, even if they turn out to be untrue.
I’ve not just disliked Donald Trump; I’ve had ill will for him. I’ve taken pleasure in his discomfort and wished him harm. From a Buddhist ethics standpoint, this is unskillful and harmful, not just to others but also to myself. Some of you might be Trump supporters and might be displeased to hear this, while others might dislike him even more than I do.
In reality, I want to share how I’ve learned to let go of my ill will. I’ve found that I can now have compassion for Donald Trump. I still think he’s a morally problematic individual and shouldn’t hold power, but my emotions toward him have softened. This change wasn’t difficult; it just required a shift in my thinking. If you have ill will for him, what I did might help you, too.
What I did was imagine Donald Trump as a wayward older brother. Many families have a “black sheep” who breaks norms, exploits others, lies, cheats, or steals. Imagining Trump as my wayward elder brother, even if he deserves punishment, I no longer take pleasure in his suffering. I can see myself visiting him in prison, not to gloat but to offer support. Instead of feeling anger, I feel compassion for him in his denial and delusion.
This perspective has softened my heart and made reading the news less stressful. I suffer less. Perhaps this approach will help you, too. It takes effort to remind myself to view him this way because habits of ill will are strong. But thinking of him as my wayward elder brother helps me feel compassion instead of hatred.
This approach might be influenced by the Buddhist teaching that in the endless cycle of samsara, all beings have been one’s family member at some point. While I don’t take this teaching literally, it might aim to evoke the same shift in attitude that I’ve experienced.
I still disapprove of many of Trump’s actions, which I find unethical or illegal, but I no longer have ill will toward him. Some people believe they need to hate their enemies to oppose them, but that’s not true. You can discern right from wrong without hate. You can hope to see your wayward elder brother face consequences without hating them.
We don’t need hate; we’re better off without it. I am better off without it. As the Dhammapada says, “In this world, hatred is never appeased by hatred. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is an eternal truth.”
This practice has made me realize that the desire for control and admiration in others must cause significant unease and fear in their lives. Sometimes, understanding a person’s background can foster compassion. Imagining someone as content and satisfied with their life can shift how we perceive their actions and motivations. This perspective can benefit everyone, including ourselves, as it reduces our own suffering and stress.
It’s challenging to avoid negative thoughts about Trump, but I’ve been trying Loving Kindness meditations focusing on him as the “difficult” person. Even though he often disappoints, recognizing that his behavior stems from his upbringing helps me find some compassion. Let’s hope he can find a measure of patience and tolerance in his own heart as well.