One of my meditation students recently reached out for advice. She had to move into a smaller apartment, which meant she couldn’t keep some of her family heirlooms, including her mother’s wedding china. More distressingly, her teenage son wouldn’t be able to live with her anymore.
I responded with the following:
Dear X,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of things and face changing relationships. Your experiences are unique, so I offer these thoughts as starting points for your own reflections.
Is there anything you’re looking forward to with the move? Maybe you can focus on the simplicity of having a new space and how it might help you achieve new aspirations. Finding positive aspects to focus on may help change your perspective about the move.
I’ve noticed that I have too much stuff myself. When Teresa and I moved in together, we ended up with two dining tables and other duplicate furniture, which now clutter our basement. I barely notice this clutter until I need something down there. Sometimes I think if it all disappeared, I’d feel a sense of freedom. The lightness of not being burdened by unused items is something I appreciate, and perhaps you might too.
Thinking about the reality that we can’t take things with us when we die is also illuminating. If there’s no clear person to inherit your mother’s wedding china, consider that giving it away now might feel more controlled and satisfying than leaving it until after you’re gone. You’d have the joy of knowing someone else is enjoying it.
Regarding your son, consider viewing this change as a step into his adulthood. Maybe you could commemorate this transition with a special ritual. Creating a book of wisdom and memories, complete with photos of you both, might provide him with guidance and a tangible record of this significant life change. Such a project could give you a positive focus amid this difficult transition.
These are just some ideas. I’d love to hear what you come up with.
What has helped you through difficult changes? Feel free to share in the comments.
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