Recently, one of my meditation students reached out for some guidance. She’s in the process of downsizing to a smaller apartment, which means she has to let go of some family heirlooms, like her mother’s wedding china. Additionally, her teenage son won’t be able to live with her anymore, which is especially tough for her.
Here’s what I shared with her:
Dear X,
I understand that letting go of things and experiencing changes in relationships can be really challenging, so I can see why you’re struggling.
Everyone’s situation is unique, even if others have been through similar experiences. Here are some thoughts that might help you reflect on your own situation.
Is there anything you’re looking forward to about the move? Perhaps you can focus on creating a simpler, more streamlined life, or setting up a new space that supports your goals. Thinking about these positive aspects might help change your perspective on the move.
For example, I’m currently dealing with having too much stuff. When Teresa and I moved in together, we ended up with duplicate furniture. We got rid of some, but we still have two dining tables with no place for them, so they’re stored in our basement. The basement is cluttered, and sometimes I think if all that stuff vanished, I wouldn’t notice for weeks. If the basement were empty, I’d feel a sense of freedom. We really should clear it out, but without another move, there’s no motivation.
I like to think about the freedom and lightness that comes from not being weighed down by unused items. Maybe that idea could also resonate with you.
I also reflect on the fact that one day I’ll die, and I can’t take things with me. Who would end up with your mother’s wedding china after you’re gone? If there’s no clear answer, consider the difference between giving it away now and having it dealt with after your death. By giving it away now, even to strangers, you’d know someone else is enjoying it, you’d have the satisfaction of giving a gift, and you’d control where it goes. None of that would be possible after you’re gone.
Regarding your son, you could view his moving out as a rite of passage into adulthood. Can you create a ceremonial or ritual way to celebrate this transition? Maybe you could put together a book of wisdom, with teachings and photos of the two of you, to guide him as he steps into his new life. Such a project might give you a positive focus and make the change feel more meaningful.
These are just some suggestions. I’d be really interested to hear what solutions you come up with.
What has helped you navigate painful changes in your life? Feel free to share in the comments.