A while back, I had some thoughts during a shower. I was dwelling on a financial issue because my bank had mistakenly transferred my money into someone else’s account. This led me to realize that I was stuck in unproductive thinking. I remembered Buddhism’s “four worldly winds,” specifically gain and loss. We often think that acquiring and losing things are crucial, but as long as I’m not starving, loss isn’t a major issue. While I’ll eventually get my money back, the concern about money is practical and doesn’t need to affect my emotional wellbeing.
Buddhism’s other worldly winds—status, approval, and pleasure—also influence our perception of what’s important. We might believe that these factors are the source of happiness, but the Buddha argued otherwise. These worldly winds are like “The Matrix,” creating a reality we live in and believe is crucial. It’s hard to envision a different perspective sometimes.
Suddenly, I had an epiphany: The most important thing is love. This wasn’t a broad statement but a personal realization that love should be the central principle of my life. We often mistake other things—status, approval, comfort—as vital, but they’re not. Yet, being loving isn’t always easy. Despite recognizing the importance of love, I often act contrary to this belief due to ingrained habits.
Our brains are wired to track importance through loss and gain, status, etc., triggering strong emotions that sometimes make us act poorly. Even though we intellectually understand that love is key, we often prioritize status or other concerns. For instance, arguing with a partner can become more about being right than being loving, even though being loved is far more valuable in the long run.
Then, I had another realization to complement the first:
1. The only important thing is to love.
2. And to remember to love.
However, love alone isn’t sufficient. Feeling love without expressing it isn’t enough either. In my marriage, I often told my wife I loved her, but my actions didn’t always make her feel loved. Thus, I needed to learn how to show love, which involves understanding what others need for happiness and relieving their suffering, often through empathy and listening.
Consequently, I had three principles:
1. The only important thing is to love.
2. And to remember to love.
3. And to keep learning how to show love.
Then, another realization came while I was washing myself: “Am I being loving right now?” I wasn’t being harsh, but I was mindlessly washing my body, distracted by my thoughts. I decided to wash myself with love, feeling love in my heart and hands, and enjoying the sensation of hot water. This act made my realizations feel meaningful.
Thus, my four principles became:
1. The only important thing is to love.
2. And to remember to love.
3. And to keep learning how to show love.
4. Am I showing love right now?
Although the fourth thought came last, it seems key. It ties the others together and is the one I need to keep returning to. This set of principles, or really just one principle, is what I’ll keep in my mind.
Who or what exactly is the “I” that shows or knows love? If “I” is the ego, trying to become more loving can strengthen this imagined self. Many are familiar with this cycle: you strive to be loving, fail, and get frustrated. This ongoing struggle often doesn’t lead to permanent change.
The real issue is not just becoming more loving but understanding who desires to be more loving. Cultivating awareness isn’t something that can be achieved merely through decisions or thoughts; it’s about awareness itself. According to the Buddha’s teachings, we are already love; our conditioning just masks this truth. So, there’s nothing to “do” because there’s no separate self to do it.
If you turn your focus inward persistently, you gain deeper insights and spontaneous awakening. Practices like meditation help unearth our reactive tendencies, but the ultimate aim is to reach a state where skillful actions arise naturally.
If you’re dealing with physical pain while meditating, explore different postures that minimize pain. You might need to meditate lying down. The goal is to learn to observe the pain closely and realize what it truly is—breaking down the sensations to see there’s no actual pain.
Mindfulness and other practices will gradually help overcome deep-seated habits, but this change can be gradual. Awakening and understanding can emerge spontaneously once enough mindfulness has been cultivated.
Ultimately, practicing mindfulness and understanding the deeper truths of awareness are complementary on the path to overcoming delusions and achieving lasting change.