Although Buddhist meditation was initially reserved mostly for celibate monks and nuns who refrained from physical contact with the opposite sex, practicing mindfulness can significantly enhance your love life. And by “love life,” I mean more than just sex — it refers to your entire relationship with someone you’re emotionally and physically intimate with.
Firstly, being mindful helps us to be truly present with our partner. Often, we find ourselves physically together but mentally elsewhere, such as when couples sit in cafes engrossed in their phones. Imagine if we could pay attention to each other with the same focus we give our phones. Being truly present and available is crucial for genuine intimacy.
Secondly, mindfulness encourages us to really listen to each other. During conversations, we often get caught up in planning our responses instead of paying attention to what’s being said. Mindfulness can help us to notice when we’re distracted and bring our focus back to the moment, allowing for deeper and more authentic communication.
We also tend to label our partners with tags like “stubborn,” “over-sensitive,” or “selfish,” which can be mental traps that trigger our own reactions and prevent true connection. Mindfulness helps us see these labels as unhelpful stories, allowing us to stay present and connect more authentically.
Moreover, mindfulness keeps us in touch with our bodies. Since our emotions manifest as physical sensations, being mindful helps us be more in tune with how we feel. For example, those practicing mindfulness can be more aware of sensations than even professional dancers. Feelings associated with love often involve the vagus nerve, which runs past the heart, explaining why we feel heartache or tenderness. Mindfulness increases our ability to notice these feelings and even strengthens them through practices like lovingkindness meditation.
By paying more attention to our partner rather than our internal thoughts, we become more attentive. This heightened awareness allows us to notice fleeting “micro-expressions” on our partner’s face, revealing their true emotions. For example, if your partner says, “Sure, that would be lovely,” but you catch a flash of doubt, it opens the door for deeper communication and empathy, enhancing your intimacy.
Practicing lovingkindness, or simply kindness, makes us recognize that other people’s feelings are as real and important as our own. This recognition encourages us to act respectfully toward their emotions. Unfortunately, we often forget to be kind in intimate relationships and might engage in harmful behavior like sarcasm or criticism. Lovingkindness practice helps us avoid these negative behaviors and interact in ways that make our partner feel loved and appreciated.
All these aspects—being present, attentive, aware of our physical sensations, in tune with emotions, kinder, and more empathetic—contribute to a better sex life. Research shows that women who practice mindfulness become more aware of their physiological sexual responses and find them more arousing.
In conclusion, if you’re looking to improve your relationship, consider meditation. Mindfulness has allowed me to truly listen to my wife, be present with her, and respond to her needs sensitively, enriching our relationship on multiple levels.