Although Buddhist meditation was initially practiced by monks and nuns who avoided physical contact and sexual relations, mindfulness can greatly improve your love life. And by love life, I mean not just sex, but your overall emotional and physical intimacy with your partner.
First off, being mindful helps us truly be present for our partners. So often, even when we’re with someone, our minds are elsewhere. Nowadays, it’s common to see couples in cafes, more focused on their phones than on each other. Imagine if couples could look at each other with the same attention they give their phones. Simply being present and available is crucial for real intimacy.
Mindfulness also encourages us to really listen to each other. Often, during conversations, we’re not fully paying attention because we’re busy planning what we’ll say next. Mindfulness helps us notice when we’re distracted and guides us back to the moment, allowing for deeper and more genuine communication.
We frequently label our partners with terms like “stubborn” or “over-sensitive.” These labels trap us and trigger reactions that hinder true connection. Mindfulness helps us recognize that these labels are just stories we tell ourselves, enabling us to stay present and connect more authentically.
By staying mindful, we also tune into our bodies and the physical sensations of our feelings. Research shows that meditators are more attuned to their bodily sensations than even professional dancers. Love-related feelings are often linked to the vagus nerve, which runs near the heart, allowing us to feel heartache when our partner is away or warmth when we’re close. Mindfulness practices like loving-kindness meditation enhance the activity of the vagus nerve, intensifying these feelings.
Being mindful not only helps us focus on our partner but also makes us aware of subtle facial expressions. These micro-expressions reveal true emotions, which helps us become more empathetic. For instance, if you notice a hint of doubt when your partner agrees to a plan, you can address it and allow them to express their true feelings, fostering a deeper connection.
Loving-kindness, or simply “kindness,” involves recognizing that others want to be happy just like we do. When we’re kind, we consider others’ feelings as important as our own, which leads us to act respectfully. Unfortunately, we sometimes forget to be kind in intimate relationships and resort to behaviors like sarcasm and criticism. Loving-kindness practice helps us see these behaviors as harmful and encourages us to support and appreciate our partners.
In summary, being more present, attentive, body-aware, empathetic, and kind leads to better intimacy and sex. Studies have shown that women practicing mindfulness are more in tune with their sexual responses and find them more arousing.
If you want to enhance your relationship, consider incorporating meditation into your routine. Mindfulness has helped me truly listen to my wife and be present for her, enriching our relationship in countless ways.