The core teaching of Buddhism, and the one that makes all other teachings sensible, is that everything changes. Although the idea that “things change” might seem obvious and has been noted by many philosophers and religious figures throughout history, the Buddha did not just acknowledge it superficially. He delved deeply into the implications of impermanence.
Buddha identified our resistance to change as a significant cause of our suffering. He described this resistance as clinging – a futile effort to hold onto stability in a constantly changing world. Clinging often appears as expectations. We wish for things to happen in a specific way, and when they don’t, we suffer. This can lead to extreme suffering, such as in unrequited love, where we expect someone else to feel the same way we do, or when we become depressed because life doesn’t meet our expectations. Expectations can also cause minor frustrations, like when traffic or a checkout line moves slower than we would like.
One key consequence of impermanence is that everything is interconnected and constantly changing. Traffic flow, for example, relies on the weather, road conditions, the number of cars, and the drivers’ mental states. Life’s complexity means it’s largely beyond our control.
One way to increase our happiness is to recognize and let go of our expectations. For instance, I used to get frustrated when my young children took longer than I expected to get ready to go out. I would often get annoyed and sometimes yell. Nowadays, I’m more aware of my expectations, understanding that they will only cause me frustration. By letting go, taking a deep breath, and accepting that I can’t control everything, I find it easier to stay calm.
We also need to let go of expectations that we won’t age or get sick, that the weather will always suit our plans, or that our possessions will never break. While the fact that everything changes might seem problematic, it is also a blessing because it means we can change as well. We may have habits that cause suffering, but we can unlearn them and adopt new ways of being. We can learn to be wiser, kinder, and more patient. There is nothing about us that is so fixed that it can’t change.
Buddha’s teachings focus on how the mind can evolve to bring greater happiness and freedom. Through various progressive mental states, we can ultimately achieve complete freedom from suffering, known as Awakening or nirvana.
When we resist change, it feels like a curse. When we accept it, change becomes a simple fact of life. When we embrace it, change turns into a blessing. Change is an essential part of life and learning to adapt can transform our experiences. Holding onto expectations only leads to suffering. Accepting and enjoying the process of change can greatly improve our happiness and well-being.
Change can mean loss, but it can also lead to gains, growth, flourishing, and awakening. Often, our focus on loss is driven by parts of our brain that cling to fear. Embracing change means recognizing both its challenges and its potential to bring positive transformation.