When we start learning to meditate, one thing that often surprises us is just how much our minds tend to wander. We might find that we can’t focus on more than two or three breaths before our thoughts take us on a long journey through memories, daydreams, or plans for the future.
Initially, this can be frustrating. We might get annoyed with ourselves, thinking we’re too easily distracted or that we’re not good at meditation. It can start to feel like hard work. But we soon realize that this level of distraction is common. Research even shows that during activities requiring minimal attention (like showering, waiting for an appointment, or driving a familiar route), we can be distracted up to 80% of the time. Meditation falls into this category because there’s no external task demanding our attention.
It’s not a personal failing that makes us so distractible; it’s how our nervous system has evolved. Our minds crave input and, in the absence of stimulation, they create their own through memories, fantasies, and so on.
With practice, we learn to be more patient and to just let go of distracting thoughts when they occur. We stop reacting emotionally to our distractedness and begin to see it as a neutral fact with no negative value. However, even as we accept our distractions without emotional reaction, many of us still carry the belief that our minds aren’t “good enough” because they wander.
Importantly, we don’t ask our minds to get distracted—it just happens. But, crucially, we also don’t ask our minds to come back to mindful awareness; that happens naturally as well. Think about it: after you’ve been lost in thought, how do you come back to mindfulness? You probably don’t really know—it just happens. One moment you’re on autopilot, caught up in a daydream, and the next you’re back in mindful awareness, aware of where you are and what you’re doing.
Your attention keeps returning to mindfulness on its own. This automatic return to focus is encouraging; your mind knows its own way back home. So instead of focusing on the “failure” of wandering minds, we should celebrate this natural ability to return to awareness.
You might think of the mind like a wandering cat. It likes to roam, but it also likes to come home. How do you treat your attention when it comes back? Instead of being annoyed, try treating its return warmly. Welcome your attention back when it emerges from distraction. Show it affection and let it know it’s valued. If you create a warm and welcoming environment for your attention, it might be more inclined to stick around instead of wandering off so frequently.
Give it a try. The next time you find yourself drifting back from distraction, greet your attention warmly. Appreciate its return and let it feel cherished. This might help your meditation feel less like a chore and more like an act of love.