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Taking care of yourself is essential. If you don’t care about how you feel and make an effort to improve, it’s tough to become happier and more resilient. My new book, “Resilient,” focuses on developing 12 key inner strengths for lasting well-being in a changing world, and compassion for yourself is one of these strengths.
When you treat others with respect and kindness, they often respond positively. The same happens when you treat yourself with that same respect and kindness. Many people are much kinder to others than they are to themselves. We sympathize with others’ pain, see their positive traits, and treat them fairly and kindly. But how do you treat yourself? Often, people are harsh on themselves, critical, and full of self-doubt, tearing themselves down rather than building themselves up.
Imagine treating yourself as you would a friend. You’d be encouraging, warm, sympathetic, and help yourself heal and grow. Think about what a typical day would be like if you were supportive of yourself. How would it feel to appreciate your good intentions and good heart, and to be less self-critical?
Why it’s Important to Be Kind to Yourself
Understanding why it’s both fair and essential to support yourself helps. Without this understanding, negative beliefs can dominate: “It’s selfish to consider what you want,” “You don’t deserve love,” “You’re fundamentally flawed,” “You’ll fail if you aim higher.”
First, there’s a general principle that people should be treated with decency and compassion, and that includes you. The Golden Rule isn’t one-sided; it implies treating yourself as kindly as you treat others.
Second, the more influence we have over someone, the greater our responsibility to treat them well. Surgeons, for example, have significant power over their patients and must be careful. The person you can influence the most is yourself—both your present and future self. If you consider yourself as someone who deserves care and kindness, how might that change the way you talk to yourself and handle your day?
Third, being kind to yourself benefits others too. When people enhance their own well-being, they generally become more patient, cooperative, and caring in their relationships. Consider how it could positively impact others if you were less stressed, worried, or irritated, and instead more peaceful, content, and loving.
Taking practical steps to truly believe that treating yourself with respect and compassion is worthwhile can make a difference. You might jot down simple affirmations like “I am on my own side,” “I’m standing up for myself,” or “I matter too,” and read them aloud regularly or place them where you’ll see them daily. You could also imagine explaining to someone why you’re going to prioritize your own needs, or envision a friend, mentor, or even a fairy godmother encouraging you to support yourself—and let their words convince you.